Friday, September 24, 2010

senator of sarcasm gets 14 votes

wiggle wiggle I should get a few votes for keyword search and compelling headline ... back in the day, i used to spit tobaccy and write for a frisco paper...oooops that's mark twain.... i don't even wanna be compared to him besides, in my family, everyone is uncle freddie, they only call me samuel clemons cause i got grey hair.... oh, the reason for my post?  almost forgot it is FF  on twitter  forgetful friday and in honor of blogger's longest rambling entertaining sentence, i wanted to tell you:  look over on the right, see that widget sarcasm got 14 votes...i have been very proud of my sick joke that i rank dead last, and someone ruined my melancholy thus: "Sam, do you really rank last on ff I think the "> 1k" on your widget  means the top 1,000" that was Angela from Destin thanks angela, and there aint no easter bunny neither, can't a guy live a fantasy without all these human questions? so she ruined my dead last joke - hey it was funny to me -  my only consolation was to get it out of my system, and magnetically, habitually like a moth to a ferret burrow, write a cool sounding headline, and crack smarmy - longwindedly smarmy

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

ferrets protest in hollywood

OK, OK, so I took some liberties with that headline. Actually, in California, ferrets are illegal, can you imagine? In 48 states, we can be carried around on your shoulder and won't jump off and spread our charms to other people, just leave us up there, and we are good to go...But walk around in Cali? OH NO!!  I feel like an outlaw going to Seven - 11 for a bag of snacks.  Hollywood has been using critters to make movies, commercials, manipulate humans through sheer adorability but we aren't legal? What, I have to move to Arizona to get a fair shake? Here's the clip: If you live in California, write Arnold, and remember to use sarcasm.

Paperback: April 1, 2010  The Tighty Whitey Spider: And More Wacky Animal Poems I Totally Made Up

TwitPic Widget For Blog or WebPage

Didn't think Sarcastic Sam would just let you get a few laughs, and then move on? Ha! Smoove Sam gots da skills baaaaaabyyyyy!!! is easy, and you can get your twitpic on easier.  Now in an earlier post, we showed me posing with the Queen and Paris Hilton, and I promise you more smarmy shots, but let's see this widget work, ok?  Here we go:

Now you can just switch your blog editor to html, cut/paste the html code, and switch it back to "compose" or design, whatever it is called on your blog. Also, in the widget above, there are two choices, of layout, I chose horizontal. Ferrets don't visualize vertically, we are short little critters.

And here is a widget for Follow Friday Rankings, which I rank dead last!

Now, that was a bonus widget, and I found that one just by ferreting around in my closet. I guess you have to be me to think that one was funny... Well, this widget is pretty cool if you are big into FollowFriday, something to keep you humans occupied. I judge a good FF if I only get unfollowed twenty times or less.

BTW, Follow Friday starts on Thursday, which means there is alot of activity on Wednesday, and I think you need to follow a few hundred people starting at Sunday Brunch, if they get around to following back by next week, you are beating the odds. Especially writers, they are more likely to be out behind their landlady's house working out the combination to a power line than actually following anyone back. Bunch of stoners.

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Monday, September 20, 2010

Support Our Military Bloggers

Support Our Military Bloggers  On Twitter Call Sign: milblogging currently has 2,830 military blogs in 45 countries with 12,430 registered members.

Once again, that link is

Saturday, September 18, 2010

sarcasm in the bible

And at noon Elijah mocked them, saying, “Cry aloud, for he is a god. Either he is musing, or he is relieving himself, or he is on a journey, or perhaps he is asleep and must be awakened.”  1 Kings 18:7 

One of the most famous uses of sarcasm in the Bible is from Genesis, the first Book:   Then the Lord said to Cain, “Where is Abel your brother?” He said, “I do not know; am I my brother's keeper?” Gen. 4:9

The sluggard is wiser in his own eyes than seven men who can answer sensibly.  Prov 26:16

And then the Isrealites collectively were not above sarcasm:   They said to Moses, “Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt?  Exodus 14:11

There are others, some good ones, some not so good.  Sarcasm is a rich tool to make the reader think. It has a bad connotation, but doesn't have to:  Are you being sarcastic? Is in itself a bit of sarcasm.  "Quit being sarcastic" is worse, that is assuming all sarcasm is bad.

At it's very best, it is very humorous, and rings of the truth.  It is more than a barb, or jab at someone, but a humorous take on the seemingly obvious ( at least to the writer ). Dialogue can be spruced up with sarcasm.  Characters in screenplays or fiction can also use it to great fanfare, where would Humphrey Bogart or Bugs Bunny be without sarcasm?  Don't leave it out, use more sarcasm.

Bible $5.20 Reduced 60%  HCSB Drill Bible (Small Edition, Burgundy Hardcover)

NEW! Sept Release:  The Official Dictionary of Sarcasm: A Lexicon for Those of Us Who Are Better and Smarter Than the Rest of You

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Friday, September 17, 2010

Why I Got Divorced

I didn't write this. I generally don't even post or read jokes I get in my eMails.  You know messy viruses attached, etc. But it came from my Cousin Vinny Ferret, and he's pretty good at making sure my machine get's locked up, fails and the harddrive crashes at least once or twice a year, so I felt good about this one.  I was thinking, oh good, he's finally gonna meet a real ferret...someone he can settle  down with. 

So here's Sarcastic Sam's Cousin Vinnie's eMail Joke, Authorship Unknown, No Known Copyright. 

Why I'm divorced . . ...

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning..  
I went downstairs for breakfast  
hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,  
'Happy Birthday!',  
and possibly have a small present for me.  

As it turned out,  
she barely said good morning,  
let alone  
' Happy Birthday.'  

I thought....  

Well, that's marriage for you,  
but the kids....  
They will remember.  

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
and didn't say a word..  
So when I left for the office,  
I felt pretty low  and somewhat despondent.  

As I walked into my office,  
my secretary Jane said,  
'Good Morning Boss, and by the way  
Happy Birthday ! '  

It felt a little better  
that at least someone had remembered.  

I worked until one o'clock ,  
when Jane knocked on my door  
and said, 'You know,  
It's such a beautiful day outside,  
and it is your Birthday,  
what do you say we go out to lunch,  
just you and me..'  
I said, 'Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing  
I've heard all day. Let's go !'  

We went to lunch.  
But we didn't go where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro  
with a private table.  
We had two martinis each  
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.  

On the way back to the office,
Jane said, 'You know,  
It's such a beautiful day...  
We don't need to go straight back to the office,  
Do We ?'  

I responded,  'I guess not.  
What do you have in mind ?'  
She said,  
'Let's drop by my apartment,  
it's just around the corner..'  

After arriving at her apartment,  
Jane turned to me and said,
' Boss, if you don't mind,  
I'm going to step into the bedroom  
for just a moment.  
I'll be right back.'  
'Ok.' I nervously replied.  

She went into the bedroom and,  
after a couple of minutes,  
she came out  
carrying a huge birthday cake ...  
by my wife,  my kids,  
and dozens of my friends  
and co-workers,  
all singing 'Happy Birthday'.  

And I just sat there....  

On the couch....  




If you would like to link your blog to mine, no problem, or you like a funny story or two, feel free to vent. Life is better when we smile and provide the world a place to laugh. Serious blogs?  Well that's ok too, I'll get the reader, let them decide what they like.. ....Come one come all and all that good crap.  

Monday, September 13, 2010

Where Does Sam Get his Stuff?

Wow what a week.  Sam was terrified when he made a joke about taking meds...someone thought he was serious. Which is the risk of sarcasm, it makes people think....two or three times, and there is always an element of truth or seriousness in the delivery of good sarcasm. Sure it has a humorous finish, but the delivery is supposed to be direct.  Well, this Twerson actually gave Sam advise on medical procedures! Can't beat that for realism.

Sam uploaded a pic of Paris Hilton at some movie opening,  a pretty good example of a famous ferret. Poor ferret in the pic  looks like he's trying desperately to get away from Paris. You can see the pic at TwitPic.  Remember to spell Samuel_Clemons with an O and an Underscore.

One funny tendency of Sam's is to act like he has no followers, common jokes are " I GOT ONE!! I GOT ONE! " like some folks do when they get a new follower... Another funny post that seems to go over well is:  "I only need 199 more followers and I'll have 200"

More followers are tending to realize that Sam means them no harm, he can bite pretty hard when he fires off his stuff, but hey, if they unfollow it only hurts their own sense of humor, not Sam's.

A comic stopped by and made snarky about Sam only having one post hereto.  Well, let's just say Sam is parttime. He sleeps alot.  Oh, maybe 22 hours per day.  This means, he has such a good time sleeping, he couldn't be bothered with writing down the password to this blog.  So you know the drill, Blogger is owned by Almighty God, errr gOOgle.  And well, the password needed resetting, sorry for the lack of posts. Problem solved, Sam has stashed it in his sleeping bag. 

We'll see about updating it more regularly.  Sam is a writer, but to stay in character, he'll have to let you figure out where the real stuff is.  He doesn't recommend you get caught up on trying to figure that out. However, as a bonus, Sam is giving you two hashtags to follow on Twitter that will open up a whole new universe to your writing.

In the little white box on the right, the "search" box  type in  #blogchat  which is sponsored almost exclusively by LinkedIn members.  The twitterverse doesn't even know it exists, it's an inside job. The folks are no joke, professional bloggers, they get paid to do this stuff. One could do alot worse, and maybe get a job as a writer just listening to the tips in that format.  The members are intelligent, educated, and professional.

We tend to take ownership of information we find on Twitter, its all so free, and open and we automatically forget who sent us.  That will really open your eyes to some of Sam's talent, where he get's it, and how well trained at this sort of thing he is.  Remember to give Sam the credit on Twitter, and shout out any good stuff you find to him, so he can retweet you.  Remember, Sam has friends on Twitter and maybe your tweet will be seen by 60 or 70k followers.  So shout him out. 

Another one is #scriptchat which helps in character development and stick to it iveness required to follow through with scenes and characters.  #ScriptChat is no less beneficial, but Sam's advice to Scriptwriters is a bit more neurotic and character based than they are used to.  Sam uses homespun sayings like "that dog don't hunt" to spruce up movie dialogue.  That sort of thing is not what they need in #scriptchat, so he doesn't bother those folks much. 

I trust this writers' writer information is to your liking, and if not, well..... Sarcastic Sam would rather crack a few jokes on Twitter than tell you what he thinks if you don't like it.

Have a Sarcastic and Smarmy week!! 
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