Saturday, March 24, 2012

nutjobs freaks and weirdos

i was gonna purge my account of: nutjobs, whackjobs, freaks, weirdos, kinky types, dysfunctionals, degenerates, perverts, hippies, drunks, addicts, self absorbed, isolators, morons, OCD, shameless self promoters, delusionals, callous, bigmouthed, absentminded, arrogant, egotistical, fanatic, finicky, humorless, masochistic, sadistic, paranoid, the self righteous, skeptics, weak willed, zealous, troublemakers, stubborn, megalomaniacs, those fixated, gruff, disturbed, erratic, hoity-toity, overt, arrogant, needy, clingy, gullible, disturbed, and any squirrels.....

but they'd all just find me again, wouldn't they?


(from a facebook post)

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dedicated to JonesBabie who thought she'd teach a ferret how to spell skeptic.  on facebook i took advantage of the british spelling, herein, to please the american audience, i have availed myself of their usage

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

i believe in Santa, fairies, magic wizards and Bigfoot

i believe in Santa, fairies, magic wizards, and Bigfoot …
i believe in the Decency and Dignity the Universe has bestowed on all of us
i believe we all have the courage to be happy in the face of adversity
i believe in my own magic, that i can inspire others to dream big
i believe that laughter heals most everything, takes the sting out of the evils of this world
i believe in everyone - even da cat who swats at me sometimes
i believe in the Great Pop Tart and he knows i mean well
i believe in forgiveness, redemption, and renewal
i believe in kindness, generosity, and love

i can lose all or give everything away, and i would firmly believe i am still blessed

Sam, Spring 2012

Friday, March 16, 2012

no way sweetheart

i was in one of my moods.  under no circumstances was i going to entertain the pet humans for cheap what-nots and snuggles. no way sweetheart, find someone else to make your day.

i took the pet human to the mall first, and didn't ~wiggle~  and then to the office supply joint to pick up some paper.  any self respecting swashbuckling pirate wizard writer ferret needs a few reams of paper.  no snuggles there, too stuffy, too business like for my sullen attitude. nope, wasn't gonna' do it

rolling my eyes, we pulled into the grocer.  "i am doing as the therapist suggests sammy, and i am not buying anything but eggs and bread today"

i might as well have been left in the car.  if i can't buy what i want, why bring me? doesn't the world revolve around me?

"OH MY GOODNESS IT'S SAM!!"  the high pitched voice was shocking on the best of days, today it was an instant assault upon my lil 'ol skullbones.... she tried to entice me wif a plastic pack of something or other.

the pet human said, "sammy's not himself"

"oh, really?" as she gave me a cheek pinch.

the grocery manager came over, with a shiny wrapper.  "here sammy, your favorite"

i gave a tiny ~wiggle~  only by the hardest

"IT'S THE MOST FAMOUS FERRET ON THE PLANET!!!" another clerk, who slobbered me wif a kiss

i gave two ~wiggles~

then a spinny move as i jumped on the pet human's shoulder.  a remarkable effort, as it involved the physical combined wif da spiritual -  impressing all of the humans with my gymnast's skills - they all smiled and laughed as i made their collective day. i was back to my normal self

proving once again, that happiness is a choice we must keep on making, over and over, moment by moment


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Friday, March 9, 2012

The Heart of a Champion

Victor galloped a thousand strides, stopping only occasionally to let out a low, echoing bark, and trotting onward.  Finally stopping on the edge of a wide hollow, looking down at the stream, across to the other side, his view was fantastic.  Surveying the panorama was one of his greatest joys,  some serenity found in casting his sniffs over nature's scene.


"don't move, i've almost got it"  i told BigFoot, i was on his shoulder changing the lightbulb.

"i could do it, Sam, if i am really gentle, by myself.  there seem to be a few scones missing from the kitchen"

"really?  i have just taken them out of the oven, Squatch"

"it wasn't me, it was Victor"  lied Marvin, his tongue wiping his lips back and forth giving away not only the offender, but also a tall tale teller all at once.

"Victor, huh?"  said Squatch.  "Sam, someone's coming up the drive. It sounds like the Sheriff"


The Giant Mastiff swung around, heading back to the Colonel's Dale.  With a  relaxed gait, Victor could hear a step, sense a presence ahead of him.  He smelled Marvin, and detected a noise in the woods, as if he were struggling.
As Victor found him, Marvin was scratched about the ears from wriggling thru thistles, panting from his long run, no match at all for Victor.

"And what are you doing out here?" asked Victor.  "You are a mess, Marvin.  You look like the woods have gotten the better of ya!"

"I wanted to follow you, Victor, to be like see where you go all by yourself"  said lil Marv, as Victor licked the tiny dog's wounds, and smiled, just a bit.

"Well, you're  lucky I found you, and one day, we'll go to my special spot,  when there's more time.  For now, I hate to disappoint you, Marvin, but I am already headed home."


Size 24 and I peered through the curtains.  it wasn't the Sheriff, instead, it was deputy Rollins, his simpleton sidekick.  "Looks like we'll have to put on some tea, Squatch"

As the car door (s) slammed shut outside, i immediately knew there was another person, and the "Oh this is really a beautiful place, Mr. Rollins" sang out, a woman's voice!    Squatch and I went wide eyed.  "You sit on the sofa, and just be normal. Don't do anything weird".  He was petrified.

My door is always flung wide, so we heard the footsteps approach, which sent Size 24 to the sofa.  His legs sprawled into the middle of the room.  "Sam, I brought you a visitor from town. Knock knock"  said Rollins.

As the tall lean Deputy entered, followed by a college aged woman, dressed in jeans, and printed silk shirt, she let out a rather shocked: "OH MY GOD! What is that?"

"What is what?" I replied.

Pointing at Bigfoot, "That?"

Me: "Oh, that's just Bob.  And whom might you be?"

"B..Bob?" she stammered, gathering her wits, "I am.. " i knew, when confronted with the impossibly implausible, we must dare the adversary to accept the improbable.

"I'm Sarah.  The Deputy offered to show me where you lived" she managed.

Rollins grinned big, the hero of the day.

"Well, Sarah you found me! Let's go into the kitchen, shall we?"  she had to step over piles of books and manuscripts scattered about.

As we crossed the entryway, 'Bob' skedaddled out of the burrow, and into the woods, silently and stealthy. 


Marvin, slowed Victor as they made their way back to the Dale.  Marvin's little strides just wore him out, the scratches started to close up, making it painful to walk at all.  Victor stopped numerous times, patiently, and finally just scooped Marvin up in his giant jaws, and carried him oh so ingloriously, most of the way back.

"Put me down, please"  squeaked the younger of the two.  "Victor, I want to explain...." Marvin wanted to confess about some missing scones.

"Now, now, Marvin, my dear boy.  You don't worry yourself about any of this." As he fluffed up the beagle, and licked at his ears and legs a bit, to get the blood circulating again.

Marvin: "I wanted to tell you about......"

Victor:  "No.  Not now, Marvin, we are going to walk into that dale, and yard, and I'm going to let you lead the way, OK?  So let's go"


Sarah, Rollins and I after pouring tea, walked into the living room, and she asked, "Where's Bob?"

"Bob who?"

Just as a long howl was heard not far off, and a mighty bark together, two returning hounds. 

The three of us watched from the stoop, as two figures emerged from the woods, and entered the dale.   A huge dog by any standard, Victor inexplicably was behind the  scratched up beat up, worn out Marvin, both heads proudly held high, the Mastiff's as ever, the Beagle's from sheer determination.

"The little one seems to have been through a war" said Sarah.

As they approached, I asked Victor,  "So how are things, Vic?  How'd you find that little rascal?  How is he?"

Marvin fairly beamed as Victor said: "He is a true champion, Sam.  A true champion"


ever wondered how I found Bigfoot? :

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Ami loved Victor so much, I thought I'd recount this story for her, follow her on Twitter at