squirrel pilfers a flag

nobody has questioned me for suing the squirrels. nor have i  received the usual inanities.  could it be that nobody wants to bring up the subject, and everyone i know is humoring me?  are folks just too polite to tell me i'm crazy?

they are always up to something.  if not waking me early, prowling around the window sill, stirring up the birds, or walking on my balcony~squirrels seem to have free run o the joint.  i was taking my morning paper the other day, chatting it up with uncle freddie:

"sammy, did you see that darryl hannah, wow, she's one good lookin' broad.."

me: "i had heard someth.."

"she was arrested" freddie went on, "protesting in front of the white house. something odd about the whole thing, almost as if it was ceremonial.  like the cops had prearranged it to arrest her first.  she stood up, everybody clapped, she smiled."

i just harrumphed lightly at that. 

"you could tell it was staged, almost as if she had a plane to catch, and couldn't be bothered with the plight of the actual protestors......"  freddie was describing this pointless activism as i reached for my orange juice.

and helping himself was a fat porker, his head half way down the glass, JB, for Junior Bite, son of Big Bite, who came up for air, looked at me, and gave a hearty belch.

"you always have the best breakfasts.  pass the toast."  said JB.

freddie:  "now i don't mind it so much she was protesting, i've always been a believer in standing up for one's rights, sammy, but you know it looks better if the celebrity get's locked up with the regulars......... these staged arrests are just so obviously nonsense."


i pushed the toast across the table to JB, as it appeared to be nibbled a bit already.  better to humor the nuisance, than show my righteous indignation.  free breakfast was one thing, no point in also giving him the satisfaction of seeing me flustered.   isn't that really the whole point of being a nuisance?  i knew JB would just hang around long  enough to get what he wanted, and leave, and none too soon as far as i was concerned.

"sammy you moron, are you listening? ..... well read your paper, and look for the story on the pilfering squirrel.  they've done it now, up and taken to stealing flags...some commenters even think they are patriotic!  how can you be patriotic by stealing a flag?  i gotta go sammy;  and call your mother"

at which point freddie hung up, JB noticed i tapped my  headset, and stopped munching his...er  my toast.  at that split second he knew and i knew he was contemplating whether to push his luck, and hang around, or make himself an even larger annoyance.  the spell was broken when he whirled around, gone in a flash, carrying my toast up a tree without so much as a goodbye.

ill mannered neighbor.
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Toledo Police Memorial bandit caught in the act

Furry thief last seen hightailing it back to the nest

It's not every day Toledo police catch a thief in the act, let alone with a uniformed command officer standing just feet away, watching.

But that's exactly what happened Wednesday.

For days, officers noticed that small flags were disappearing from the Toledo Police Memorial Garden at the Civic Mall, between the municipal and federal courthouses downtown. There were no suspects, no clues left at the scene to help police catch the perpetrator.

But about 7:15 a.m. Wednesday, walking into the office, Lieutenants James Brown and Mark King watched the bandit take a flag -- and a single pink plastic flower -- from the garden.

"I just saw him eyeballing it," Lieutenant Brown said. "He didn't know I was standing there."

The quick-thinking officer pulled out his cell phone to snap a picture.

Lieutenant Brown got his man. Or, well, his squirrel.

The squirrel stopped for a split-second, perhaps realizing he had been caught red-handed -- or pawed -- on film to look at the lieutenant.

Then the suspect, who police describe as a red and brown bushy-tailed critter, fled on four paws toward the Safety Building.

"He was too fast," the lieutenant said. "I couldn't catch him."

Word of the furry bandit spread quickly through the department and, before long, his whereabouts were discovered.

A squirrel's nest outside the Safety Building has at least two of the stolen flags woven into it.

The squirrel was seen Wednesday afternoon lounging on a tree branch in front of a third-floor office facing Erie Street. Woven into its tangled nest of branches and leaves were at least two of the small flags. The flower was not visible, but police believe it will be used in decorating.

The accused squirrel was unavailable for comment for this story.

No charges have been filed and police believe the squirrel acted alone in the incident.

Lieutenant Brown said it took the squirrel less than 30 seconds to get the small flag off the wooden dowel.

"He definitely knew what he was doing," the lieutenant said. "This wasn't his first time."

It's unclear how many flags have been taken from the garden, but the lieutenant said at least three are missing.

"I can't prove it was all the same squirrel," he said.

Carefully using his teeth, the squirrel cut the flag away from the post. The flag was not ripped and the wooden post was left intact.

As of deadline, it appeared the squirrel had, at least temporarily, left his nest. He is currently at large.

Contact Taylor Dungjen at: tdungjen@theblade.com or 419-724-6054.

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Above Story from The Blade, Toledo Ohio.

Follow Sam on Twitter:  http://twitter.com/Samuel_Clemons

Tiny URL for this Article: http://tinyurl.com/3rk86kv

More Squirrel Antics:

http://samuelclemons.blogspot.com/2011/03/no-cease-fire.html

http://samuelclemons.blogspot.com/2011/01/squirrels-are-nuts.html

http://samuelclemons.blogspot.com/2011/02/i-found-bigfoot.html

http://samuelclemons.blogspot.com/2011/03/harriet.html

http://samuelclemons.blogspot.com/2011/03/post-apocalyptic.html

http://samuelclemons.blogspot.com/2011/03/no-cease-fire.html

http://samuelclemons.blogspot.com/2011/03/ferrets-bane.html

what hurricane?

i usually lay on my back, and watch cartoons on saturday mornings - until the cat slinks into the room, and in avoiding me, only attracts me to give her an impromptu dance lesson, my cartoons are forgotten,  and a Great ~Wiggling~  ensues, at least to me it's a celebration, for her, the cat, she could care less; i've resolved myself that she just doesn't like to dance, but you can't fault me for trying, so i chewed the mute button off the remote,  after turning the volume up - i've learned this is important - if the pet human can mute the TV, then it won't be able to enjoy the full surround sound effect - on full blast -  and WOW!

my cartoons were pre empted by non stop hurricane coverage!  how could this be? what is a ferret to do on his back watching this stuff? no... this would not do, and  i was taken in by the drama, first a category 3, possibly a 5, i had to stock up on poptarts and decided that the only logical thing to do was corner the market on them;  i figured if there was going to be a power outage, then i better have plenty of blueberry...

the grocery clerk's expression was a mix of speechlessness and slightly raised eyebrows over her glasses when she saw two shopping carts full of the delectable hurricane food;  "you are so cute"  and the pet human smiled back at her, thinking she was speaking to him.  she: "no not you, lil sam, he's so cute..." to which the pet human sort of smiled a grunt of acceptance...  "you really like blueberry don't you?" she asked, "oh, he has to have the shiny wrappers, he's a hoarder"  said my pet;

much the same reaction at the hardware store, the gas station, i thought it might be a good idea to oversee the entire operation, you never know when a pet human might need some assistance;

my scheme is simple: if i corner the market on blueberry, the law of supply and demand should drive the price up... it's pure logic:  by my estimates,  when the hurricane wipes the entire east coast off the map, with long lines at the soup kitchens, and Red Cross feeding troughs, i would be sitting on a gold mine, literally, not that i would willingly part with any shiny wrappers, but if my calculations were correct, i would be a rich ferret!

and this morning i awoke to the bad news:  hurricane Irene was a complete bummer;  one lady phoned in to the local newstation:  "The storm blew my dog's squeaky shark off the roof"   another said she saw a couple of leaves on her neighbor's yard... and the weather guy stationed at the beach said that Irene blew the harbor camera off by 6 or 7 degrees, evidence of it's ferocity...

The Lady Never Liked This Tree Anyway

one new york caller tweeted the washington, DC desk:  "we are asking if this storm will mean we should get a shopping bag of poptarts...."  obviously hoodwinked by the media blitz; at least i knew i was onto something; the journalist wrly commented, "no you probably won't need to stock up"



and the local news stations, rather than go back to regular programming, are STILL broadcasting this non event, are  non stop IreneCasting!  as if by sheer force of will showing pictures of a couple of downed trees, and non flooded streets of historic Alexandria, VA this will justify their hijacking of the airwaves for the last two days;  they could at least let me watch some SUNDAY cartoons, maybe the cat will change her mind, and take to dancing wif me? but no, here they are showing a couple of trees blown over, and two limbs in a couple of front yards;   all of which in hindsight makes about as much sense as... well as  ....

me trying to corner the market on blueberry poptarts.

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I Tweet at @Samuel_Clemons 

http://tinyurl.com/3nm46lk

earthquakes and wiggle shakes

the new twitter seems to be a bit sticky, and we can't even go down below 200 mentions.  and they've taken to just deleting old tweets.  i wanted to record mine for posterity, so i put them here on the blog.  

my tweets post earthquake:

1.  this region overreacts to rain and snow, you can imagine how big a deal they make of this apocalyptic event

2.  the #mayans are coming back, i call shotgun!!!
  
then, two ladies inquired as to my well being: 

3.  my uncle freddie, sublimely has a padded toilet seat, @alikat747 @betsydraperfl he didn't notice a thing #dcquake

4.  two wars, nato strikes, hurricane Irene, stocks are down, uemployment up... now a freakin earthquake.... i'm gonna go play golf

5.  i checked on my pet human during the quake, and used the opportunity to pilfer it's lunch....

6.  i made sure the household was outside ~ quakin n shakin' ~ @baisebeige merrily had free run o da place... massive #pilferage

   pausing long enough to do a public service announcement: 
 
7.  RT @PronetworkBuild  If you felt the #DCQuake at all, the USGS wants to hear from you: http://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/dyfi/ 

8.  Bill Haley: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CXFXB4uknI Shake Rattle and Roll

9.  Micheal J Fox: "What quake?"

10. a moonshine still in Mineral, Va blows up, the whole area freaks out

11. the USGS has said "all the data is not in. we'll have to see how things shake out..."

12. reporters keep asking if animals acted strangely before the #dcquake. it's a lil late to be worrying about that

13. no, the #dcquake didnt scare me, i was too busy tryna snag the pet human's lunch....

i am shy and modest

why are we on social media at all if not to get blog hits, and get our message out?
what seperates a writer from a speaker, accountant, or maybe a movie star?  there is a compelling urge to have our written words read by someone else, appreciated or at least our opinions seen.  so, i think we need to get the word out there, and not be bashful about it.   we can completely ignore the whiners and negative tweets we've heard about NOT posting our link more than once per day.  alot of those comments come from people who are not writers, and don't have anything to lose from taking that kind of position.  i don't mean that we should be obnoxious, and we certainly don't want to spam our wall or timeline ( spam, by my definition is the constantly repeated tweet or post, without any deviation in order to gain hits, or push a page up the SEO rankings )

a simple hit counter is useful, but look at your stats.  if your blog provider does not offer stats, then back up your blog on a provider that does.  hit counters only total numbers, giving you no analysis.

Find a Provider that Provides Statistics

 a great short read on twitter hits from a master networker, and professional technical writer who dabbles in social media:  http://pronetworkbuild.blogspot.com/p/twitter-tips.html  ProNetworkBuild on Twitter packs more in that page of Twitter Tips, than you might find in a year of trial and error.  why gamble?  learn from a pro free!  right click these links, and OPEN IN ANOTHER TAB, so you don't lose your place here.

so my suggestions are simple:  

1. tweet me your post, i'll get the message out.  use http://tinyURL.com to shorten the link, don't use the "Tweet Button" which takes up more characters than TinyURL.  

2. collaborate with influencers, folks you know will retweet your link.  my twitter attorney, @PiperBayard get's hits from me. (you can hire her, but she charges me two pop tart wrappers, just for a consult, and my heart breaks losing even one shiny object )  i can't  say how many hits she gets as I am not privy to her statistics, but i have posted her links on my Facebook, G+ account, and all over Twitter.  the idea is that i do this for many, many people.  God has blessed me with followers, and i take my blessings seriously, it is my duty to inform others of good writers, so i do.  another is @MuseInks when i had very few followers, i would tweet her writing tips.  she probably got all kinds of nuts and whack jobs tweeting her, i attract a rather demented crowd.  she's a screenwriter and great person to follow.  these are but two examples, i cannot list all of the collaborations i have here.

3. cross market on Facebook, Twitter and Google +, although I have found that Twitter yields the greatest number of hits.

4. be generous, keep planting and sowing, don't stop to look at the row you planted to see if a seed popped up, just keep planting and sowing.  meaning of course, keep putting other people's links out there.  when the time comes, tweet those people your link.  they'll retweet it.

5. tweet between 4pm and 4:50 pm Eastern Standard Time, research, analysis, and reports have indicated time and again that this is the single best time to get your message out, because more people are on the internet. ( just one report by way of example: http://tinyurl.com/5tl82jd The Best Time to Tweet by Bit Rebels )  the east coast of the U.S. is still at work, and there is a mad rush for many of the end users to "get their tweet on"

6.  don't be modest or shy.  people cannot read your mind, they don't have crystal balls, most are not telepathic.  there is no way for them to know you have recently written the greatest blog post since Mashable went to a blogger conference and conspired to be the go to blog for tech...  readers have no way of knowing, if you don't tell them. 

7.  stay at it, not all blog posts are groovy, some suck, don't let the sucky ones get you down.  if thomas edison had given up after only 1,000 attempts, we'd all be striking two sticks together....  writers are not quitters, and all else being equal, persistence is the one single factor that yeilds success.

in conclusion, do you know of any great masseuses?  i am looking for.... ooops, wrong post.....  i have to go make some tea, and wake up, these early sunday morning posts are brutal on my schedule.


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i tweet at @Samuel_Clemons  and my Facebook? http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001986473242

the underdog

what it is about the underdog that brings out the very best in us?  is it overcoming impossible odds? doing the ordinary when nobody gives the downtrodden even that much hope?  well this guy was the runt, and here's his story.  his name is dozer, he was born an underdog, and he is now famous....   i could have posted another video, but the way ABC News tells the story is the best, so click the link.  http://tinyurl.com/3ojo2ys

do you have any underdog moments?  leave a comment below 


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if you would like to follow me on twitter, I tweet at @Samuel_Clemons

i am on Google + at https://plus.google.com/104473140436013980350/posts

and on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001986473242

Putins Army of Beauties

I just laughed at this piece.  nothing profound, no wonderful insightful commentary, just pure laughter.  what got me to giggling?  the cheap, seediness of the whole thing.  who was trying to make a headline here?  Putin?  was this the work of a rich, powerful guy? or just some really, really bad PR firm with no more creativity that this?

and the news desk?  ha! laughable was the female's reaction to the piece, she said she couldn't look at it, "Its horrible" meanwhile, she kept looking, almost as if she wished she were a bikini clad car washer herself... i may be wrong,  doesn't she really want to be in the video? i just don't see her reaction as legitimate:



Putin's Army as they call themselves should be Putin's Tramps.   and what kind of army is a handful 7 or 8 gals... not quite the Red Army marching through Red Square is it?

In the second video, a brunnette walks through town, and the cameraman can't resist raking over her cleavage. 

chalk this one up to the MOST USELESS PR STUNT since the crew threw those  turkeys out of the helicopter in WKRP in Cincinnati.

Putin's Beautiful Army:  Women Undress and March For Putin's Third Term.....

Click Here for more Antics, ooops, I mean the full article and a couple more amateur PR Videos.  http://mahjongvillage.com/putin_girls.php

Oslo Shooter No Fundamentalist, Shame on the Media

Trying to grapple the why and how of the Oslo  bombing, and the deaths of more than 90 kids at a camp is hard to do.    We can only grasp that the accused is deranged, mentally off the charts, and that is about as far as we can define him.  Yet the media driven by early police statements are very quick to "Label" the offender.

First reports were that the murders must have been an act of Muslim Terrorists, and TV broadcast news gave their usual bylines:  "So far, Al Queda has not taken credit for the bombing....."  and then the reports of the Camp shootings came out, and a possible link.

Then the media rushed to repeat what the Police said:  This was the work of a   "Right Wing Christian Fundamentalist "  and I will simply say, that is the wrong definition, and the Media should be very quick to clarify such a fantastic claim.  

Anders Breivek Twitter Page, No Christian Fundamentalist

Christian Fundamentalism is about arguing against modern Science/Religion.  It is a firm, and often vigorous belief that this world was created by God in a quick 7 days about 7,000 years ago, and we are all decendents from Adam and Eve.  

Simply put, a Christian Fundamentalist, strictly believes in what is in the Bible, takes the Bible literally, not theoretically; there is no hierarchy, no "leader" in fundamentalism, and it is a belief system, often by very well meaning, and sincere people.

You might remember from your history class, about The Scopes Trial  or "Monkey Trials" about an evolution pamphlet.  And the great impact and uproar it caused at the time. John Scopes a Biology teacher was charged with illegally teaching the theory of evolution, in 1925.

Inherit the Wind a 1960 movie based loosely on the Scopes Monkey Trial was cast with Spencer Tracy and Fredric March.  This was an attack upon anti intellectualism in the 1950's a generation removed from the actual events, so it was a sly exploration into the accepted beliefs and value systems of American society at the time. 

Tracy and March in Inherit the Wind 

  It is important to question the media.  In this day and age when each network is no longer objective, and has no intention of being objective it is more and more important to question what we see in the media.  

  Granted, the police labeled the Oslo shooter, Anders Breivik as a Right Wing Fundamentalist Christian simply, and admittedly from what little they knew at the time.  Major news outlets were quick to grasp this definition, and run with it.  Was this responsible journalism?  Of course not.  Will the media retract and redefine those labels? I doubt it.  Will the Norwegian Police clarify their mistake? I assume not.   It is up to us to question what we hear, and not accept at first glance what is broadcast.

Remember the Scopes Trial.   Evolution vs. Creationism defines a Christian's "Fundamentalism".

Crazy right wing nuts who blow up buildings and shoot children have no business being labeled anything whatsoever.  They are murderers, and their writings and ramblings certainly have no place in the story of Creation, or Evolution.