Monday, March 28, 2011

no cease fire

i've been busy lately, meetings with the squirrels have taken some time.  negotiating a peace settlement with those critters was difficult.  i sat there with a serious expression on my face, and watched the clock.  i knew i had an important session with my masseuse, she was supposed to wear the hot nurse outfit, and as the minutes turned into hours, and hoursintodaysintoweeks i realized that the squirrels probably had no intentions of ever shutting up.

they played me.  it was all on my dime, the food, the drinks, the hospitality.  my charm and generosity were, if i might say so, unlimited.  i figured i'd treat them well, and the cease fire might lead somewhere.

so i have come to this blog post with a heavy heart.  only by the hardest have i come to the conclusion that the squirrels are not interested in making peace.  the leader, a quite large rotund porker even heckles me with his mouth full. he was in it for the nuts.  i could have sworn i was making a deal with java the hut dressed as henry the viii.  in place of a turkey leg, picture two paws each with a juicy freshly cracked walnut.

disgusting.  fatso  just wanted me to keep buying walnuts, bird seed, and planter's mix until his crew  got fattened up.   thus,  i am sure he'll order another attack, and probably call in a coalition of woodpeckers and barking dogs.

                                     you can't negotiate with a squirrel.

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  1. Those dastardly squirrels! And they made you miss your date with your hot masseuse, too. Talk about no good deed goes unpunished! Never trust a squirrely character, Sammy.

  2. *smart salute* Sir! They are second only to sloths in laziness! Sir! We will grind their nuts! Sir! *salutes again, winks*