Sunday, December 18, 2011

crazy mashup

Is there a fine line between crazy and genius?  Do we all consider ourselves borderline genius but just a little crazy?  Apparantly the conversation is alive
and well on Twitter. 

i tweeted a simple, innocent ferret tweet 
      "genius is sometimes mistaken for crazy"

First out of the box? @AngelDevil116 who said: "C I told u SamyTurnbull I am (expletive)  genius

meanwhile, back on the timeline, 17 people retweeted the simple comment!!

(i've taken the time to type hyperlinks to their twitter accounts, so please follow at least one of them!!  they are probably a tad less crazy than myself) 

and @BridgetWinter tweeted: “I've Seen It”

and still: @TheFoolFunnel : It's the same thing

Then entered the dilemma, like any good story, we have to be put in an impossible situation, to wit: @JamesRapsonMS "The other problem is when crazy is mistaken for genius..." and in a tweet reminiscent of the 70's song, that was actually sung by a dog, @endlessraines "That's what I keep trying to tell them, I'm an GENIUS!  They'reComingToTakeMeAway  ha ha"
While @ugotatweet analysed it thus: " Maybe you have to be what others call crazy to be a genius."
It continued through Sunday morning, when @DiHard11 commented that "crazy is mistaken for genius."   

And, in a sly summing up: RT  @BobBRichS "Many thinking I'm a genius and I've thought them crazy. I considered I'd be rather arrogant if I tried to prove them wrong."   

Bob, my paw in friendship, that was as smoove a move as I coulda' done myself!!

William Safire was always an etymologist at heart; rather than call himself a “wordsmith”  he would relish the history of a word. He would explain a word's origins to prove foundation for the modern usage. Crazy has it's origins spelled with a “K” or Karsa meaning to shatter” ( Old Norse ) or to break. Which lead to a “break down in mental health” . An alternate explanation is: English speakers were using pot in reference to the skull at least by the 15th century. The metaphor of a cracked pot referring to someone who is out of their mind started later, beginning with cracked brain and ending up simply as cracked in modern English. Crazy, derived from the verb craze, took on the same meaning sometime in the 17th century.

Now, “crazy” has become complimentary in modern slang. “That concert was crazy good” doesn't even seem to have any of the mental health issues of previous generational usage.

My tweet then “genius is sometimes mistaken for crazy” has none of the response by the younger generation, and has been taken entirely in it's historical context of a “mental health” condition. Which belies the point entirely that it is a politically incorrect way of referring to one's mental stability.

We no longer say, “Aunt Sally is crazy” we say, “Aunt Sally is dysfunctional” or “Aunt Sally is mentally challenged” or if we are being delicate: “Aunt Sally has had a nervous breakdown”...

Now that we have that word cleared of our systems, let's examine Genius a moment. The word carries a connotation of exceptionalism: Even using a source as weak as Wikipedia which states: Genius is something or someone embodying exceptional intellectual ability, creativity, or originality, typically to a degree that is associated with the achievement of unprecedented insight.

So we come full circle do we not? Crazy can in fact be genius, and genius can in fact be Crazy. It is the savant who is slightly autistic that can remember every number in the phone book, complete with address, and middle initial. It is the Copernicus or Gallileo who is considered “mad” when they propose the world is round. Gen. Stonewall Jackson was considered one of the greatest military thinkers of all time; yet extremely eccentric, and yes, crazy in his personal mannerisms. History provides us with many examples of genius thinkers who used their genius for ill, and were thus considered crazy geniuses, like Hitler, Alexander, or Nero.

Such is life, I have imagined it thus, in a shout to Forrest Gump, or some such colloquialism from my early ferrethood: “Crazy is as Crazy Does”

Which of course means nothing at all.


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sam writes useless drivel on just about any subject, and is working on his thesis so he can become certifiably crazy

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

snagging my gig

ferrets are incurable nap fiends.  since we have retired from chasing rats after world war I, we have been shall we say "unemployed" which has lent to our reputation as wealthy playboys ... i have an office, but the administrative assistant learned after my 6 month absence that i have no intention of doing any real work.  typing light drivel and tweeting is about all i can bring myself to do.  anything else would conflict with my strenuous goals.  i am even running my campaign for President on the "more naps and dancing" ticket.  i get a lot of interest, but the mainstream media hasn't given me much traction.

napping is just part of the lifestyle.  why get worked up and upset, when a fine nap will do the trick?  wake up, give a yawn or two, take a snack, and crawl back to bed.  sometimes, when asked if i just yawned, i reply: "no, that was yoga.  a deep breathing exercise"   what a life.  

Jedi Ferret by @FallOutGrrrrl on Twitter

so now,  there are competitors for my gig.  i have found other critters trying to get in on the napping scene.  i won't bother you with a snoozing cat, or the proverbial "sleeping dog" which we will allow to lie undisturbed.

nope.  it's worse.  the seals are getting in on the action.   we ferrets have been squeezed out of hollywood: no more beer commercials for Budweiser, no more movie cameos....  Geico went with squirrels, and an animated Gecko with a cute accent.  having been thus indignantly tossed aside, we now have to compete with a napping baby seal!!  this is getting rough.

notorious napper

seems this guy crawled into the house through the doggy door, climbed up on the sofa and snoozed away.   the pic went viral, and now i am having to call my therapist, and booking agent.

i think the lil guy might have snagged my gig!!


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falloutgrrrrl provided the pic of the Jedi Ferret follow her on Twitter at

original story courtesy of Global Animal

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

boston market

it started with a phone call, a request. 

"boston market, huh?"  as the pet human grimaced and hung up the phone.   we don't actually dine there ourselves,  we were called upon to do a good deed.

"come on sammy, we are on a mission"

i love adventures, i get to oversee the operation, i poke my nose out, and if the sniff isn't right, i can hide, and become invisible.  if the action get's heavy, of course i can take on whatever evils the pet human can't handle by itself.


"i'll have the usual"  the guy in front of us said.

behind the counter, a perplexed look from the cashier.  "excuse me?"

again, talismanic, "the usual"

i stuck my nose out of the pet human's hood.  i saw the back of a slick hundred dollar white tee shirt, sweatpants, a muscular fellow, with shades, even from behind him, i could sense he was quite full of himself

mr "i'll have the usual"

this was gonna be good.

mr cool: "you know, the usual"

"i can't really...... i don't .... what......?"  the poor lass had no idea what this clown wanted 

"i'll have my usual order, you know"

i was thinking, no she doesn't.  she obviously doesn't know.

he coaxed her a bit: "i came in here and you know, got the same order three weeks in a row.."

i crawled outright, at this point, and from my perch upon my pet human's shoulder, i gave the cashier, mr. cool, and other patrons "the look" and that mind control thing i do, which told him something like:

"look fool.  anyone who is trying to be cool in a boston market is a moron.  and even if it were cool, you aren't hip, who walks into a dive like this and asks for the usual?  get on with your business"

after much blushing, embarrassment and shuffling of feet, he finally placed his order.

and that is why i don't take my pet to boston market


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Thursday, November 3, 2011

Parishioners Asked Not to Bring Guns to Church

please, if you are coming to church, don't bring your shotgun or machine pistol!

do you really need to defend yourself at church?  maybe.

nuns wif guns by the angryczeck

Bishops in Wisconsin are requesting that parishioners not bring their weapons to church, now that a new firearms law goes into effect.

it used to be illegal NOT to carry a musket to church.  some towns in New England still have the laws on the books.  to protect themselves from "savages" and unprovoked attacks ( debatable language, even today ) churchgoers in Sandown, NH for instance were required to carry loaded muskets:  just in case of an attack by the pesky native americans. 

each church in the diocese can decide whether to ban firearms.  nice of the Bishops to leave some discretion here.

story by Reuters:


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Friday, October 21, 2011

there is hope for anyone

a quick post to remind you that you should never give up hope.  ok, that's all i was gonna say, have a great day!

brevity is a virtue, but come on, that short?

kevin cotter was just your run of the mill middle class divorced box salesman and outdoorsy type, who's wife after 12 years left him.  he has parlayed that experience into a book, been featured on morning shows, and blogged about his experience.

his website is which i found to be rather bland, and nothing special.

his photography is not exactly outstanding either, my german shepherd accidentally  snapped a few shots while carrying my digital around the yard which are better.

his comedy? well it's probably not to everyone's taste, i wouldn't expect the shrill feminist crowd to take it very kindly for instance.

but his story resonates, the media picked up on it, and it demonstrates for all of us, that timing is often luck, and getting published can be like the lottery.    when life hands us lemons,  make whiskey sours. #ferretzen


couple of shouts this morning:  to @PiperBayard her doggy is sick... show some love...  to @falloutgrrrrl who is on her 3rd or 4th incarnation of a twitterer, may she find an account that can't be hacked

and to everyone who might want to cave in to doubt or get discouraged, may you find your ex's wedding dress, and turn it into Amazon Gold.

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Friday, October 14, 2011

uncle freddie has a nose for news

uncle freddie, against my recommendation dispatched himself to find some interesting material this week, apparently his masseuse was on vacation, and he was feeling bored.  to wit: 

"It's something that brings out the worst element in some people, and it's focused on people who are the most vulnerable"

The little person credited with bringing the sport to Florida died of acute alcohol poisoning in 1989.

"I would never force anybody to take this form of employment or pay to watch it. I think it's repulsive and stupid"

"The possibility of getting paralyzed is high, and then to be used as an object for people's amusement is very degrading."

these are just some of the highlights.  what would be so controversial and create such vehement opinions, you ask?

why dwarf tossing, or more politically correct, and 21st century, shall we imply, "little people wrestling" ?? no. dwarf tossing sounds better.

a lawmaker in florida wants to repeal the ban on throwing little people around the wrestling ring, to improve the unemployment rate...  yes, stranger things have been repealed.

this is a Dwarf

here's the link:

 Little People Should be Allowed to Degrade Themselves

and this link has a video clip that was seen on Jimmy Kimmel

now that's not all the important news this week. a man was threatening to leap to his death and in negotiating with the police demanded an order of french fries.  not even uncle freddie could make this up ... and after meeting his demands, the police allowed him to escape!

Police Assure Us The Guy Was on This Antenna

uncle freddie threatened to visit me and stay the weekend if i didn't post these two stories.  he said they were vital to the experiment we call civilisation.

i've spared myself the trauma.

Thursday, September 29, 2011


i've read recently of some bad mommas.  i was in the grocery store sleeping in my pet human's pocket, when i poked my head out.  i smelled blueberry coffee wif a touch of hazelnut, my fav. ( today is national coffee day )  giving the aisle a sniff, i saw a cute girl in a cart, and she wanted some cereal, and her mom, like any mom,  did not think the brand was good for her, "no honey, not that cereal, let's pick another..."  to which the girl replied, quite loudly, so all of us could hear:  "YOU'RE A BAD MOMMY!!"

i dived for the safety of my warm pocket, wif a wiggle, and the pet human chuckled.  obviously, the lass had it backwards, but it might take her a few years to figure that out.  this is not the kind of mommy i am instantly referring to.  no, i'm talking about those mommys who provoke fights, and get arrested or find themselves on the evening news occasionally.  i read where one actually scheduled, set up the fight, then famously recorded the action on her iPhone.  was this for posterity, or to relish the lovely moment during the holidays?

why a mom would set up an after-school fight between two kids is beyond me.  whether by osmosis, or any other transference the kids involved will probably grow up to be bullies in the least, lead horrible lives; or become  drunkards, like my swedish Uncle Freddie. 

i have asked these two rapscallions not to wrestle in the street, it might give the neighborhood a bad rep, but they persist.   i've spoken to their mom, she's on the right, in the bushes, she seems to encourage their hood behavior. 

not only do the two offenders not care who sees their dysfunctionality, of which they are blissfully unaware,  they are quite comfortable stopping traffic, and letting the entire planet see this disreputable conduct.

should i even bother speaking to the mother?  i have mixed thoughts on this, i think she's just interested in finding another hit of fall berry sauce.


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you might also like:  Uncle Freddie and the Drunk Elk:

a reader favorite:  "Harriet

Friday, September 23, 2011


tweets have to count.  twitter doesn't consider itself a "social network" but instead a microblogging site.  meaning, it's a blog, a record of what goes on.  but i don't get into  tweets like:  "i'm in my swimmy pool baff, and will be out in a minute"  to me, that is taking the whole idea of "micro" blog just a bit too micro.

there is the mathematical probability as well.  we have to understand our audience.  if i go to my "followers" list and see that well over half of them have fewer than 500 followers, then that has logical and common sense conclusions, at least for a ferret, you humans may come to another conclusion, and wallow in your oblivion, but we ferrets are too busy for oblivion, besides, we have to maintain a sense of decorum and dignity even if we are falling off the sofa in laughter.  ~wiggle wiggle~

ok, so let's break this down:  the Tweep only follows 200 people, half of whom are not even online right now, the other half have their Twitter open, but they are reading an article, or yelling at the kids.  the likelihood of them seeing a tweet from any one person is less than being struck by lightening or being hit by the space debris this morning.  ( the fastest way to see the following to follower ratio, or the following count is NOT on Twitter going thru one by one, but to log onto  which is FREE and set up the "columns" to show you the information you need, you'll see columns on the top tool bar after logging in )

so this leaves me no choice, my tweets have to count:  I HAVE to tweet something of value.  we have to tweet like we are the only tweet some people might see, because we ARE the only tweet they might see.  i'm just a lil furry ferret trying to be heard in a world of loud obnoxious humans, get my wiggles in, dance, nap, snack, have the twin masseuses over ( i have been paying their college tuition.. well, that's what they tell me ) write the next great critter novel, and still maintain an online presence ... whew! just writing that wore me out... not to mention get in calls to my therapist, and listen to my Uncle Freddie call me a moron every morning on speakerphone...

just last night, i tweeted this:  if God didn't intend to pilfer da smoked chickens, He wouldn't o left em on da coffee table

which is about as close as i get to micro talk... if it's going to be a mundane event, it's going to count....  i could have said:  "this smoked chicken is really good"  and in which case, you would think, "yea, but my smoked lobster was better"  or whatever else if anything.  but the idea here is that it has to be interesting...

 what kind of a pet human takes the time ( two hours ) to smoke a chicken, and leave it out on the table where i can snag it.....?? 


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Thursday, September 8, 2011

uncle freddie and the drunk elk

it is no secret that uncle freddie is the family alcoholic.   he might think he's fooling someone, but we know.  if a house is known by the company it keeps, then freddie lives with jack daniels, and someone by the name of mr. smirnoff

rich, free wheeling uncle freddie in Sweden says it's quite normal for drunken elk to stumble around after hours, teetering, singing sailors' verse, and slurring a few words.

he's been known to frolick with them himself, and tie one on.  after closing down the bar, the friendly swedish cops keep their eyes out for them, as they make it back to the burrow, the elk  wavering down the street, laughing and keeping late hours with  freddie rambling picaresque adventures; in a bad impersonation of julio iglesias: "to all the ferrets i've loved before....." 

not surprised was freddie, when one of his drinking cohorts made the news, but fascinated was he when the story went viral.

this time of year, the elk imbibe on fermented apples; catch a buzz.  the elk in question was seen earlier in the day tottering through the street, mumbling, "deer get all the press..."

after working himself into a blackout drunk, the elk could not stop.  like a true addict, in his pickled stupor, he had to get one last apple from the tree.

nothing worse than a black out drinker
 it was that "just one more" apple that left the elk in an embarrassing position, bereft of dignity, yet ignorant of it all in his muddled, jumbled state - "just one more apple, Stella, just one more..." 

and that's where Per Johannson found him, "I thought at first that someone was having a laugh. Then, I went over to take a look and spotted an elk stuck in an apple tree with only one leg left on the ground," Johansson told newspaper The Local.

not having much luck freeing the inebriated critter, the fire dept was called, and the elk passed out in the yard...curled up in the fetal position.... after telling the firemen: "i love you guys...have i ever told you how much i love you? i reallyloveyou..."

by sun up, the elk, in true alcoholic fashion was last seen stumbling down the street to The Red Deer Grill....  presumably for a morning coffee, but you can never tell with uncle freddie's friends.

the elk may just do it all over again.  with rich alchy freddie right behind him.

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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

squirrel pilfers a flag

nobody has questioned me for suing the squirrels. nor have i  received the usual inanities.  could it be that nobody wants to bring up the subject, and everyone i know is humoring me?  are folks just too polite to tell me i'm crazy?

they are always up to something.  if not waking me early, prowling around the window sill, stirring up the birds, or walking on my balcony~squirrels seem to have free run o the joint.  i was taking my morning paper the other day, chatting it up with uncle freddie:

"sammy, did you see that darryl hannah, wow, she's one good lookin' broad.."

me: "i had heard someth.."

"she was arrested" freddie went on, "protesting in front of the white house. something odd about the whole thing, almost as if it was ceremonial.  like the cops had prearranged it to arrest her first.  she stood up, everybody clapped, she smiled."

i just harrumphed lightly at that. 

"you could tell it was staged, almost as if she had a plane to catch, and couldn't be bothered with the plight of the actual protestors......"  freddie was describing this pointless activism as i reached for my orange juice.

and helping himself was a fat porker, his head half way down the glass, JB, for Junior Bite, son of Big Bite, who came up for air, looked at me, and gave a hearty belch.

"you always have the best breakfasts.  pass the toast."  said JB.

freddie:  "now i don't mind it so much she was protesting, i've always been a believer in standing up for one's rights, sammy, but you know it looks better if the celebrity get's locked up with the regulars......... these staged arrests are just so obviously nonsense."

i pushed the toast across the table to JB, as it appeared to be nibbled a bit already.  better to humor the nuisance, than show my righteous indignation.  free breakfast was one thing, no point in also giving him the satisfaction of seeing me flustered.   isn't that really the whole point of being a nuisance?  i knew JB would just hang around long  enough to get what he wanted, and leave, and none too soon as far as i was concerned.

"sammy you moron, are you listening? ..... well read your paper, and look for the story on the pilfering squirrel.  they've done it now, up and taken to stealing flags...some commenters even think they are patriotic!  how can you be patriotic by stealing a flag?  i gotta go sammy;  and call your mother"

at which point freddie hung up, JB noticed i tapped my  headset, and stopped munching  my toast.  at that split second he knew and i knew he was contemplating whether to push his luck, and hang around, or make himself an even larger annoyance.  the spell was broken when he whirled around, gone in a flash, carrying my toast up a tree without so much as a goodbye.

ill mannered neighbor.

Toledo Police Memorial bandit caught in the act

Furry thief last seen hightailing it back to the nest

It's not every day Toledo police catch a thief in the act, let alone with a uniformed command officer standing just feet away, watching.

But that's exactly what happened Wednesday.

For days, officers noticed that small flags were disappearing from the Toledo Police Memorial Garden at the Civic Mall, between the municipal and federal courthouses downtown. There were no suspects, no clues left at the scene to help police catch the perpetrator.

But about 7:15 a.m. Wednesday, walking into the office, Lieutenants James Brown and Mark King watched the bandit take a flag -- and a single pink plastic flower -- from the garden.

"I just saw him eyeballing it," Lieutenant Brown said. "He didn't know I was standing there."

The quick-thinking officer pulled out his cell phone to snap a picture.

Lieutenant Brown got his man. Or, well, his squirrel.

The squirrel stopped for a split-second, perhaps realizing he had been caught red-handed -- or pawed -- on film to look at the lieutenant.

Then the suspect, who police describe as a red and brown bushy-tailed critter, fled on four paws toward the Safety Building.

"He was too fast," the lieutenant said. "I couldn't catch him."

Word of the furry bandit spread quickly through the department and, before long, his whereabouts were discovered.
A squirrel's nest outside the Safety Building has at least two of the stolen flags woven into it. A squirrel's nest outside the Safety Building has at least two of the stolen flags woven into it.

The squirrel was seen Wednesday afternoon lounging on a tree branch in front of a third-floor office facing Erie Street. Woven into its tangled nest of branches and leaves were at least two of the small flags. The flower was not visible, but police believe it will be used in decorating.

The accused squirrel was unavailable for comment for this story.

No charges have been filed and police believe the squirrel acted alone in the incident.

Lieutenant Brown said it took the squirrel less than 30 seconds to get the small flag off the wooden dowel.

"He definitely knew what he was doing," the lieutenant said. "This wasn't his first time."

It's unclear how many flags have been taken from the garden, but the lieutenant said at least three are missing.

"I can't prove it was all the same squirrel," he said.

Carefully using his teeth, the squirrel cut the flag away from the post. The flag was not ripped and the wooden post was left intact.

As of deadline, it appeared the squirrel had, at least temporarily, left his nest. He is currently at large.

Contact Taylor Dungjen at: or 419-724-6054.


Above Story from The Blade, Toledo Ohio.

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Sunday, August 28, 2011

what hurricane?

i usually lay on my back, and watch cartoons on saturday mornings - until the cat slinks into the room, and in avoiding me, only attracts me to give her an impromptu dance lesson, my cartoons are forgotten,  and a Great ~Wiggling~  ensues, at least to me it's a celebration, for her, the cat, she could care less; i've resolved myself that she just doesn't like to dance, but you can't fault me for trying, so i chewed the mute button off the remote,  after turning the volume up - i've learned this is important - if the pet human can mute the TV, then it won't be able to enjoy the full surround sound effect - on full blast -  and WOW!

my cartoons were pre empted by non stop hurricane coverage!  how could this be? what is a ferret to do on his back watching this stuff? no... this would not do, and  i was taken in by the drama, first a category 3, possibly a 5, i had to stock up on poptarts and decided that the only logical thing to do was corner the market on them;  i figured if there was going to be a power outage, then i better have plenty of blueberry...

the grocery clerk's expression was a mix of speechlessness and slightly raised eyebrows over her glasses when she saw two shopping carts full of the delectable hurricane food;  "you are so cute"  and the pet human smiled back at her, thinking she was speaking to him.  she: "no not you, lil sam, he's so cute..." to which the pet human sort of smiled a grunt of acceptance...  "you really like blueberry don't you?" she asked, "oh, he has to have the shiny wrappers, he's a hoarder"  said my pet;

much the same reaction at the hardware store, the gas station, i thought it might be a good idea to oversee the entire operation, you never know when a pet human might need some assistance;

my scheme is simple: if i corner the market on blueberry, the law of supply and demand should drive the price up... it's pure logic:  by my estimates,  when the hurricane wipes the entire east coast off the map, with long lines at the soup kitchens, and Red Cross feeding troughs, i would be sitting on a gold mine, literally, not that i would willingly part with any shiny wrappers, but if my calculations were correct, i would be a rich ferret!

and this morning i awoke to the bad news:  hurricane Irene was a complete bummer;  one lady phoned in to the local newstation:  "The storm blew my dog's squeaky shark off the roof"   another said she saw a couple of leaves on her neighbor's yard... and the weather guy stationed at the beach said that Irene blew the harbor camera off by 6 or 7 degrees, evidence of it's ferocity...

The Lady Never Liked This Tree Anyway

one new york caller tweeted the washington, DC desk:  "we are asking if this storm will mean we should get a shopping bag of poptarts...."  obviously hoodwinked by the media blitz; at least i knew i was onto something; the journalist wrly commented, "no you probably won't need to stock up"

and the local news stations, rather than go back to regular programming, are STILL broadcasting this non event, are  non stop IreneCasting!  as if by sheer force of will showing pictures of a couple of downed trees, and non flooded streets of historic Alexandria, VA this will justify their hijacking of the airwaves for the last two days;  they could at least let me watch some SUNDAY cartoons, maybe the cat will change her mind, and take to dancing wif me? but no, here they are showing a couple of trees blown over, and two limbs in a couple of front yards;   all of which in hindsight makes about as much sense as... well as  ....

me trying to corner the market on blueberry poptarts.


I Tweet at @Samuel_Clemons

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

earthquakes and wiggle shakes

the new twitter seems to be a bit sticky, and we can't even go down below 200 mentions.  and they've taken to just deleting old tweets.  i wanted to record mine for posterity, so i put them here on the blog.  

my tweets post earthquake:

1.  this region overreacts to rain and snow, you can imagine how big a deal they make of this apocalyptic event

2.  the are coming back, i call shotgun!!!
then, two ladies inquired as to my well being: 

3.  my uncle freddie, sublimely has a padded toilet seat, he didn't notice a thing

4.  two wars, nato strikes, hurricane Irene, stocks are down, uemployment up... now a freakin earthquake.... i'm gonna go play golf

5.  i checked on my pet human during the quake, and used the opportunity to pilfer it's lunch....

6.  i made sure the household was outside ~ quakin n shakin' ~ merrily had free run o da place... massive

   pausing long enough to do a public service announcement: 
7.  RT @PronetworkBuild  If you felt the at all, the USGS wants to hear from you: 

8.  Bill Haley: Shake Rattle and Roll

9.  Micheal J Fox: "What quake?"

10. a moonshine still in Mineral, Va blows up, the whole area freaks out

11. the USGS has said "all the data is not in. we'll have to see how things shake out..."

12. reporters keep asking if animals acted strangely before the . it's a lil late to be worrying about that

13. no, the didnt scare me, i was too busy tryna snag the pet human's lunch....

Sunday, July 31, 2011

i am shy and modest

why are we on social media at all if not to get blog hits, and get our message out?
what seperates a writer from a speaker, accountant, or maybe a movie star?  there is a compelling urge to have our written words read by someone else, appreciated or at least our opinions seen.  so, i think we need to get the word out there, and not be bashful about it.   we can completely ignore the whiners and negative tweets we've heard about NOT posting our link more than once per day.  alot of those comments come from people who are not writers, and don't have anything to lose from taking that kind of position.  i don't mean that we should be obnoxious, and we certainly don't want to spam our wall or timeline ( spam, by my definition is the constantly repeated tweet or post, without any deviation in order to gain hits, or push a page up the SEO rankings )

a simple hit counter is useful, but look at your stats.  if your blog provider does not offer stats, then back up your blog on a provider that does.  hit counters only total numbers, giving you no analysis.

Find a Provider that Provides Statistics
 a great short read on twitter hits from a master networker, and professional technical writer who dabbles in social media:  ProNetworkBuild on Twitter packs more in that page of Twitter Tips, than you might find in a year of trial and error.  why gamble?  learn from a pro free!  right click these links, and OPEN IN ANOTHER TAB, so you don't lose your place here.

so my suggestions are simple:  

1. tweet me your post, i'll get the message out.  use to shorten the link, don't use the "Tweet Button" which takes up more characters than TinyURL.  

2. collaborate with influencers, folks you know will retweet your link.  my twitter attorney, @PiperBayard get's hits from me. (you can hire her, but she charges me two pop tart wrappers, just for a consult, and my heart breaks losing even one shiny object )  i can't  say how many hits she gets as I am not privy to her statistics, but i have posted her links on my Facebook, G+ account, and all over Twitter.  the idea is that i do this for many, many people.  God has blessed me with followers, and i take my blessings seriously, it is my duty to inform others of good writers, so i do.  another is @MuseInks when i had very few followers, i would tweet her writing tips.  she probably got all kinds of nuts and whack jobs tweeting her, i attract a rather demented crowd.  she's a screenwriter and great person to follow.  these are but two examples, i cannot list all of the collaborations i have here.

3. cross market on Facebook, Twitter and Google +, although I have found that Twitter yields the greatest number of hits.

4. be generous, keep planting and sowing, don't stop to look at the row you planted to see if a seed popped up, just keep planting and sowing.  meaning of course, keep putting other people's links out there.  when the time comes, tweet those people your link.  they'll retweet it.

5. tweet between 4pm and 4:50 pm Eastern Standard Time, research, analysis, and reports have indicated time and again that this is the single best time to get your message out, because more people are on the internet. ( just one report by way of example: The Best Time to Tweet by Bit Rebels )  the east coast of the U.S. is still at work, and there is a mad rush for many of the end users to "get their tweet on"

6.  don't be modest or shy.  people cannot read your mind, they don't have crystal balls, most are not telepathic.  there is no way for them to know you have recently written the greatest blog post since Mashable went to a blogger conference and conspired to be the go to blog for tech...  readers have no way of knowing, if you don't tell them. 

7.  stay at it, not all blog posts are groovy, some suck, don't let the sucky ones get you down.  if thomas edison had given up after only 1,000 attempts, we'd all be striking two sticks together....  writers are not quitters, and all else being equal, persistence is the one single factor that yeilds success.

in conclusion, do you know of any great masseuses?  i am looking for.... ooops, wrong post.....  i have to go make some tea, and wake up, these early sunday morning posts are brutal on my schedule.


i tweet at @Samuel_Clemons  and my Facebook?

Thursday, July 28, 2011

the underdog

what it is about the underdog that brings out the very best in us?  is it overcoming impossible odds? doing the ordinary when nobody gives the downtrodden even that much hope?  well this guy was the runt, and here's his story.  his name is dozer, he was born an underdog, and he is now famous....   i could have posted another video, but the way ABC News tells the story is the best, so click the link.

do you have any underdog moments?  leave a comment below 


if you would like to follow me on twitter, I tweet at @Samuel_Clemons

i am on Google + at

and on Facebook at

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Putins Army of Beauties

I just laughed at this piece.  nothing profound, no wonderful insightful commentary, just pure laughter.  what got me to giggling?  the cheap, seediness of the whole thing.  who was trying to make a headline here?  Putin?  was this the work of a rich, powerful guy? or just some really, really bad PR firm with no more creativity that this?

and the news desk?  ha! laughable was the female's reaction to the piece, she said she couldn't look at it, "Its horrible" meanwhile, she kept looking, almost as if she wished she were a bikini clad car washer herself... i may be wrong,  doesn't she really want to be in the video? i just don't see her reaction as legitimate:

Putin's Army as they call themselves should be Putin's Tramps.   and what kind of army is a handful 7 or 8 gals... not quite the Red Army marching through Red Square is it?

In the second video, a brunnette walks through town, and the cameraman can't resist raking over her cleavage. 

chalk this one up to the MOST USELESS PR STUNT since the crew threw those  turkeys out of the helicopter in WKRP in Cincinnati.

Putin's Beautiful Army:  Women Undress and March For Putin's Third Term.....

Click Here for more Antics, ooops, I mean the full article and a couple more amateur PR Videos.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Oslo Shooter No Fundamentalist, Shame on the Media

Trying to grapple the why and how of the Oslo  bombing, and the deaths of more than 90 kids at a camp is hard to do.    We can only grasp that the accused is deranged, mentally off the charts, and that is about as far as we can define him.  Yet the media driven by early police statements are very quick to "Label" the offender.

First reports were that the murders must have been an act of Muslim Terrorists, and TV broadcast news gave their usual bylines:  "So far, Al Queda has not taken credit for the bombing....."  and then the reports of the Camp shootings came out, and a possible link.

Then the media rushed to repeat what the Police said:  This was the work of a   "Right Wing Christian Fundamentalist "  and I will simply say, that is the wrong definition, and the Media should be very quick to clarify such a fantastic claim.  

Anders Breivek Twitter Page, No Christian Fundamentalist

Christian Fundamentalism is about arguing against modern Science/Religion.  It is a firm, and often vigorous belief that this world was created by God in a quick 7 days about 7,000 years ago, and we are all decendents from Adam and Eve.  

Simply put, a Christian Fundamentalist, strictly believes in what is in the Bible, takes the Bible literally, not theoretically; there is no hierarchy, no "leader" in fundamentalism, and it is a belief system, often by very well meaning, and sincere people.

You might remember from your history class, about The Scopes Trial  or "Monkey Trials" about an evolution pamphlet.  And the great impact and uproar it caused at the time. John Scopes a Biology teacher was charged with illegally teaching the theory of evolution, in 1925.

Inherit the Wind a 1960 movie based loosely on the Scopes Monkey Trial was cast with Spencer Tracy and Fredric March.  This was an attack upon anti intellectualism in the 1950's a generation removed from the actual events, so it was a sly exploration into the accepted beliefs and value systems of American society at the time. 

Tracy and March in Inherit the Wind 

  It is important to question the media.  In this day and age when each network is no longer objective, and has no intention of being objective it is more and more important to question what we see in the media.  

  Granted, the police labeled the Oslo shooter, Anders Breivik as a Right Wing Fundamentalist Christian simply, and admittedly from what little they knew at the time.  Major news outlets were quick to grasp this definition, and run with it.  Was this responsible journalism?  Of course not.  Will the media retract and redefine those labels? I doubt it.  Will the Norwegian Police clarify their mistake? I assume not.   It is up to us to question what we hear, and not accept at first glance what is broadcast.

Remember the Scopes Trial.   Evolution vs. Creationism defines a Christian's "Fundamentalism".

Crazy right wing nuts who blow up buildings and shoot children have no business being labeled anything whatsoever.  They are murderers, and their writings and ramblings certainly have no place in the story of Creation, or Evolution.


Saturday, July 23, 2011

Salon Owner Takes Robber as Sex Slave

rarely do i have time to post a great story, that hasn't already been covered by my Twitter attorney, @PiperBayard  that belly dancing vixen who sleuths around the internet in her new found role.  i was only able to beat her to the punch this week because of Uncle Freddie:  

"sammy,  this is a story that I have to cover! buy me a ticket to Russia"  i stared at the phone, as if it were uncle freddie in my hand, and not plastic and buttons.

why do we look at phones?  is this something we've seen in the movies, where we stare stupidly at the phone?

flummoxed does not sit upon the countenance of a ferret well.  it is documented  that ferrets have no known predators.  we used to chase mean,  street hardened, life embittered sewer rats for a living! so it aint every day we get a look of flummoxation upon us.

uncle freddie is no stranger to the hair brained scheme.  he once thought it would be a great idea for me to include the word diarrhea in all my posts for a few laughs.

a 28 year old  female salon owner in Meshchovsk, Russia Olga Zajac,  also a black belt in karate, kicked a robber, Viktor Jasinski, 32 who was trying to inflict criminal behavior upon her salon.
hazy pic of Olga blurred to protect her roots

after knocking him out, Olga tied Viktor up in the back room with a blow dryer  cord  and had sex with him for 3 days,  force feeding him Viagra.

this was to teach Viktor a lesson, apparently,  and when she was finished with him, she gave him 1000 rubles and freed the object of her desires... or ran out of Viagra, that part is not quite clear.

indignant over being used as a sex slave Viktor went to the police, who eventually arrested both of them.

let this be a lesson to all the would be salon robbers:  never run out of Viagra. 

"uncle freddie, your sleuthing skills or reportage of this story are not required:  it was covered in the Daily Mail.... obscured of course by the Rupert Murdoch debacle...but it's been covered...."

"sammy you moron, i don't want to cover the story.  i want to meet this Olga.... sounds like my kind of gal"

and he calls me a moron

Friday, July 22, 2011

Saddest Postcard

Shirley is a marvel, a bit eccentric, but hey, who isn't?  Shirley has a pet spa, complete with pool, air conditioned kennels, a beach, if i am not mistaken, they might be able to take tennis lessons.  Shirley is pet human to many dogs, old, blind, the ailing, she and they grow old together, she gives them a life they might not otherwise enjoy.  many is the time, a visitor is surprised when a blankey starts to move, a rustling sound is heard, and out from underneath pops a rickety old doggy for a stretch.  yes, a marvel indeed.  Shirley even has a cemetery for all the pets who've rescued her, with grave markers.   she has never charged a dime to take in any dog, she is one of those marvels of the Universe that God sent to remind humans just how kind people can be. 

this tweet from @MochiFace a connection on twitter caught my eye, and reminded me that most of Shirley's dogs die in her arms of old age, happy, content, and knowing they were loved. 

The Saddest Postcard ever written here it is:

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and if you have a chance, thank @MochiFace for posting it

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Paco Superdog

Paco was no ordinary "rescue" dog.  he was adopted by a small business owner in California, but Paco knew the whole block.  he'd wander into a bar, and hang there a while, then to the barber shop, and snooze a few hours, maybe stray along the sidewalk and talk to strangers.  hey who doesn't love a free meal?  Paco was so mellow, that everybody loved him.  nary a bad bone in his 10 pound body.

with a dog like this around, it just made things a whole lot like they should be:  animals making humans their pets.

so sweet, so loyal, so calm and happy was Paco, till one day..........

and Paco showed what lil 10 pound dogs are made of.  the barber didn't know Paco had it in him.... the patrons of the Bar didn't know he was a hero, they always just thought of him as calm, wonderful Paco.  his owner never knew he could be so tough....

you see folks, humans don't rescue animals...  animals rescue humans from themselves

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Thursday, July 7, 2011


Sounds like the kind of story we hear Jay Leno or Letterman tell as a late night joke;  not happening in our town of course, but somewhere else. 

                                   Man Breaks into Porn Shop 
                      Found Having Sex with Lovely Linda Blow Up Doll

Hey, there's nothing wrong with having a relationship with a blow up doll.  Is there?  In Virginia it's perfectly legal.  It might even be perfectly normal behavior for customers of MVC Late Nite.  The perp,  Little Jim, a Veteranarian and Captain at Ft. Belvoir only broke the law when he committed burglary.  When the police arrived with the canine unit in response to the alarm, the doggy grabbed hold of Little Jim's ankle.  

Fortunately, the dog did not pop Little Jim's date, or puncture her.  That would have deflated the story a bit.  The dog did find Little Jim dressed in ladies panties.

Little Jim, Accused of Loving a Doll

 So far, the annonymous doll has not issued her official statement.

Not wanting to miss an opportunity at a free plug, Jerry Poe, the Manager of MVC  stated:  "Look these items are all very affordable.  Anyone can buy them.  That's why it is a bit odd someone would break in to steal them"

The real story is not the perverted nature of the crime, nor the sad lonely self image one must have to dress in women's panties and have sex with a doll in the closet after breaking into a porn shop.   Nor is the story about  a society or state supposedly conservative where it's legal to  sell blow up sex dolls.   I mean who knew?   Or the possibility of copy cat crimes, now that the populace knows how available these dolls are, could others also start dating blow up dolls, or have sex with them in closets in their spare time? 

Lost on all the news channels was the bravery of that dog.  Going where no mere mortal would tread, that canine cop actually had the guts to grab hold of Little Jims ankle, while he was having his relations in that closet. 

Such valorous deeds are rarely seen.   We owe a debt of gratitude to that pooch for courage in the line of duty.   Considering the facts of this case, Little Jim was found in stolen panties,  in the act.   

And humans say ferrets are fearless.

Original Story in the Washington Post

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Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Off the Cuff

this one's off the cuff 

won't burden you with the details but i rec'd a tweet or two from a self proclaimed "mad person" on twitter to the tune of  "f......  you  sam you should die"  .... 

my offense?  i thought casey anthony was innocent.  you see, i don't believe what i see or hear in the press.  is this wrong? that i don't follow the herd on these matters? i don't think so.  but then again, my uncle freddie has always said: '

     "sammy don't follow the herd, you'll always be sniffing up somebody else's butt"

   but i think there is a larger lesson here.   i think what happened in this case is pretty simple:

   three years ago when the story broke, it became a media firestorm, and i think the Prosecutor's office pursued this case out of media pressure  .... 

   i instinctively saw and understood this.  i thought to myself,  "what if she didn't do it?  what other explanations could have come into play here?"  i had to mask myself from what i saw and heard, and ask myself plainly.  "what if it was a situation where her family is dysfunctional, and she really didn't do it, would the State of Florida still indict this person?"  and they did.

    and the State of Florida got what it got.

    the press is not going to delve into this subject matter very deeply because all of the journalists employed in this case WERE WRONG!!   they have to eat crow, and admit they had Ms. Anthony pegged as guilty and they were wrong. 

     so you can hope i die,  hope i rot, and curse me out.  but  it was the media that didn't deliver the verdict you hoped for.  shoot them, they were the one's who promised you a guilty verdict.  not lil ol me.

Friday, June 17, 2011

We're Not Gonna Take it

if only it were as easy as saying it, or singing it, deficits, world hunger, weiners, high umployment, the taliban, beltway traffic here in DC ~ if we could sing it all away, and live in heaven now, why wait?  doesn't every generation think it has it's problems? and yet, we live in a grand world, and it is what we make it.  so here's to ranting, and here's to all the rants before and that will come when we are gone.  today's theme:

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Caesar Crossed The Rubicon

as a general, Caesar was not allowed to cross the Rubicon river, no general was permitted to do so under the prevailing customs and laws of his time.  the act of doing so constituted civil war, and in fact one ensued.   after conquering most of europe all the way to Briton, Caesar was called back to Rome by the Senate. if he obeyed and went to Rome without his Legions he might have been tried for past deeds.  legend has it that he said "the die is cast" i won't hedge the Latin, but that is close enough.
Caesar Crossing the Rubicon Image The Rubicon No Longer Exists

like Caesar of old, i have been challenged.  last night, i was called to Rome by MorgansDead.  let me find the tweet, oh here it is:

Polar Bear is like the cutest big boy ferret ever! Sorry @Samuel_Clemons my Polar Bear is cuter than you

arrangements are being made, i'm being coiffed and groomed, the twin masseuses have been called in to calm my nerves, my best accessories are being laid out ( GI joe helmets,  micro headsets, navy scarf )  the entire far flung ferret clans are being notified and rounded up, guests will soon arrive,  electricity and excitement are in the air,  peanut butter and banana slices are laid out nicely ~  all visiting ferrets must have plenty of sleeping bags ~ all for the Great Ferret Cute Off ~ oh yes, the die is cast

this just in:  "Sam, seriously.  you compare your cuteness being challenged to Caesar crossing the Rubicon?"  mary, my detractor.  

me:  mary,  will you be bringing any guests? 

after checking on my pile of poptart wrappers, and left footed socks,
with all the goings on, and so much to do, i have done what any manic, pampered, slightly hyper ferret would do in these die cast circumstances.....

i've increased my nap schedule

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Friday, June 10, 2011

What Passes for News

What passes for News these days is downright ridiculous.  I rarely comment on politics as it dates one's blog.  Three months from now the story becomes irrelevant, the facts change, one's predictions are all proved wrong.  So normally I don't do politics, or politicians.  But I have a few observations, and I'll keep them brief.  Actually, this all started when I wrote a piece for The Critical Post (follow on twitter: entitled "Breitbart's Hoax" ~ how an article in the Daily Kos was completely fabricated, invented and perpetrated using social media to prove that Congressman A. Weiner's Twitter WAS NOT hacked, and the entire story was a hoax perpetuated by Breitbart.  So brazen was the story it was entitled "Breitbarts  Twitter Hoax".

This is not the first time that I have done my Hunter S. Thompson best at being a media critic;  I should quit my day job, and do it full time.  I can smell a fabricated tale a mile away. 

The mainstream press today has taken to "sounding the death knoll for Newt Gingrich's Presidential Campaign"  that is to say, all of his top aides walked out en masse.  And I say, "So What?"  The media wasn't there and for all we know, he fired them, and has graciously kept his mouth shut about how they were fired.  We don't know, but to sound the end of his campaign? Ha!  One of the smartest men in politics, don't count Gingrich out.  It is almost as if willing the story into existence, by sheer momentum, the major news outlets can be their own cause/effect and make it so. 

On Anthony Weiner's wife's pregnancy?  Oh wow! The mainstream press jumped all over that didn't they?  Did they actually even stop to consider the source? Do they have a source?  A woman who refuses to grant interviews, doesn't want to comment on her husband's weiner, and has no intention of being seen in front of a camera, is supposedly one who "shuns the limelight"  ..... yet, here the mainstream press is buying and selling the story that she's pregnant?  Sounds fishy to say the least.   Why would someone who is so private want to announce to the world that she is pregnant?  Obviously, this is a ploy to garner sympathy and I for one doubt the validity of the story at all.     And make no mistake, working for Sec of State Hillary Clinton, the PR machine knows how to garner sympathy and plant a story, even one so far fetched that Weiner's wife Uma is pregnant.

Huma Abedin Pregnant? Who Is Ruthless Enough to Plant these Stories?

Lastly, we are seeing news outlets like MSNBC, CNN and their ilk actually try to talk up scenarios where Anthony Weiner stays in office.  Even knowing this would be a  complete embarrassment to himself and our government institutions. In my humble opinion, perpetuating an idea that endangers our already dwindling reputation across the globe is not responsible journalism.  Will they balk when his male member is shown on the House floor?  Will they finally cave in when his phallic anatomy is printed on playing cards and traded in High Schools?  Or used by extremists in other countries to prove the United States is a weak, and sex crazed country who's politicians are all perverts?  This is the end game in allowing people who have no control over their body parts ( and apparently cameras ) hang around beyond what is prudent. 

I question what I hear.  I do not buy into what is thrown at me in heavy doses.  Any overkill by the mainstream press should trigger our natural instinct that something is not correct.  More often than not, we are being fed a complete fabrication, invented news.  What passes for "News" is just rehashed stuff where sources are not proven, or even quoted.

What passes for news brings out the ferret in me.


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dedicated to @libertyladyusa and @piperbayard on twitter 

Saturday, June 4, 2011

friends are priceless

prologue:  the beautific wood elf @ouchdammit had reconnoitred the path, clandestinely assuring us of safe passage to our destination.

harriet old beyond years innumerable, bigfoot who's only thing in common with hairret was his hair, and myself made a motley crew indeed.   size 24  lumbering along with his lengthy stride, me perched on harriet's head; both of them chattering away:

"i say we give em a good scare and  bum's rush 'em" said harriet.  although from virginia, for whatever reasons she spoke with a hackneyed accent.  in another life, i think she tried out for 101 Dalmatians but they gave the part to another horse.  harriet didn't do much, she mostly stared off into space.  i coaxed her out of the barn with promises of an adventure.

the infamous harriet, retired. withdrawn

size 24:  "i've been scaring critters and humans enough, harriet, my PR guru here says i need to improve my image."
size 24 afraid to scare someone my best bud

"i'll decide when we get there, and both of you need to focus on the trees and quit jabbering."   i half expected an acorn shot to my head any second from the squirrel clan. 

as i rode, i couldn't help but think i looked quite dashing in my colonels helmet, my micro headset from Japan cavalierly dangling round my neck.


the fat squirrel was porking away on a delicacy, as usual, when he saw me approach, barely giving away any astonishment.  frankly, i don't think he'd lose his morsel for any surprise.  he looked more like a groundhog or woodchuck than a squirrel.  he must tax the whole woods, could hardly walk.  cheek full of chewed acorn, a bit dribbled down his jowl as he spoke:

"if it aint the self styled colonel of the ferret militia... what brings you here, sammy ol boy" ...  contempt oozing from his lips, as the nut particles sprayed.

"your niece is galavanting around with my uncle freddie and the two make a pair i must say.  she's talking of marriage, and i know it's never been done.  a squirrel and a ferret,  we've got to stop this."  i'd half suspected this was a plot to get to the family fortune. 

"how'd you get here anyway?  my lookouts and scouts didn't make a peep.  i haven't heard so much as a warning plunk off that helmet of yours sam."

"don't change the subject,  you fat porker...I have my ways of creeping through the woods.  it's bad enough i have to come parlay with ya..."

a hoof  pawed the ground.  a snort.  then a rukus and commotion  ensued as the sound of branches snapped,  as harriet released her energy and raw power  and came thundering into the clearing ~ size 24 stayed back ~  her display was remarkable, i'll give her that.

fatso was round eyed, astonished and understood immediately why his scouts had remained silent.  they had run and were hidden at the site of harriet, big foot and myself stealing through their turf.   acceptance and shock at once settled over him.

"enough talk" said harriet as she scooped me up with one motion, airward i went, to plunk comfortably between her ears.  "enough.  sam says do something about your niece.  are you clear on this?"

he shook his head yes, as she spun around and gave a demonstration that we didn't know she had in her, she galloped again!!  harriet ran,  more like charged out of that woodsy clearing with me hanging on to her ears for dear life, grinning as the air blew past my fur, and the freedom of running pulsed through her was transferred to me and i felt like i was upon the most brilliant steed in any race before or since.  oh the delight to be upon harriet and her just showing off was pure heaven.

she blew past astonished sized 24 and ducked her head on the low hanging branches, careful not to knock me off....   "that oughta give em something to think about sammy..."

indeed.  and you should never underestimate an old nag when she get's her dander up.


Some Companion pieces to this story you might also like:

story is dedicated to all the harriets who still have life left to surprise even their staunchest friends.  to @falloutgrrl and doc who take care of hurt animals so they can scare squirrels again, and of course to my best bud, Big Foot,  afraid he might scare somebody.  it's ok size 24, i know you've got a heart of gold and are a friend to us all.

hit the google "PLUS 1" Button Below, and Let's try out the new technology.  Thanks!