Friday, October 29, 2010

Sarcasm Sells Sarcastic Candidate sees 700 Percent Jump!

Last week the Master of Sarcasm himelf had 73 Follow Friday Recommends on

this week as of right now, that ranking stands at 452, a 700% increase over last week.

And for months, the widget has said " > 1k " meaning greater than 1,000 in the rankings.  Now as you can see on the right, the widget has Sarcastic Sam at a Global Ranking of 285.  No Lady Gaga, no Justin or Justin, but not so bad for a ferret with 7k followers.

Hey it's just a widget, something to keep me occupied in between snide remarks.

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Thursday, October 28, 2010

if by rudyard kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
  Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
  But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
  Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
  And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream — and not make dreams your master;
  If you can think — and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
  And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
  Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
  And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
  And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
  And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
  To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
  Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
  Or walk with Kings — nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
  If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
  With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
  And which is more; you'll be a Man, my son!

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Sunday, October 24, 2010

Funny Blog Post

This is the kind of funny blog Sam likes, completely irreverant, and yet not so much so that anyone is going to be offended.

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Thursday, October 21, 2010

Twitter Follow Limits

   I keep finding humans on my Time Line stuck at 2001 people they are following.  Nobody likes an "unfollower" I mean who would?  We even have a site which tells us who did the dastardly deed.  There is something sneaky and downright dishonest in the practice, and we tend to see at least one or two disgruntled people whining about being dumped.

    But a little known and even less thought about practice on Twitter is that we are forced to "unfollow" for very practical reasons.

         Twitter Follow Limit    

                Twitter has a limit of 2001 people that you can follow.  When we reach this limit, we are forced to do a couple of things.  1. Sit there and do nothing and look like an idiot.  Or 2.  we can do the rational thing and unfollow some of them.  If you find yourself in this position, then you should probably just use ( free ) and do what Tweepi calls a "Flush".  Go  to the last page of people you are following.  Don't start on the first page, these are the most recent people you just followed today.  You humans are funny.

         Unfollowing Unproductive Tweeps

           ProNetworkBuild, on Twitter has written about this practice extensively on Evan Carmichael and on Smart People Marketing.    
         Put plainly, people who don't tweet are not contributing to your timeline, and those who haven't tweeted in months probably will miss the fact that you unfollowed them. Using this simple logic, when you are in Tweepi, unfollow the unproductive tweeps.  We use the "ratio of followers to following" radial dial button on Tweepi to ascertain who has a high limit.

        The Serial Unfollower - Narcissist and Wanna Be

You can find out for yourself the hard way, but it is much more efficient to not bother with these people in the first place.   We have run statistics over multiple accounts, with various names.  Anyone who has a ratio of over 125% followed to following ratio on Tweepi is not worth your time.  90% of them will eventually unfollow you, and they require two efforts on your part if you wish to experiment.  First you must locate, find and follow them, only to have them dump you, and you have to then go back to Tweepi, and unfollow them!  Surely the unfollowers as self centered as they are don't really care.  They have factored that sort of loss into their scheme.  Of course they have to work harder at being famous don't they?  It is quite humorous when you stop to think that if they worked that hard at following back, their twitter accounts would be twice as large or three times as large, and their fetish for feeling wanted or needed would be sated, wouldn't it? Oh well, on to the next group.

         Unfollow those who don't follow back 

         There are those who don't intend on following you back, unfollow them

         Now like hackers have used Remote Access technology for years to gain access to other's computers, these unfollowers that nobody likes have used the phenomenon for all sorts of things, like being serial unfollowers or wanna be famous narcissists who fancy themselves Bugs Bunny or BP Oil, when really they are just regular people - not famous - like anyone else.  Like the hacker, warping legitimate technology for anarchist purposes, these folks have taken to just not following back. Many of them Retweet you, say hello, and as a last resort even follow you, only to dump you a few days later!  I can spot them by their following ratio, and lately, don't even bother following them, as I know what is coming. Why give them the satisfaction? These poor souls live in a boring world where they have no lives to begin with, and looking like somebody on Twitter must be important because they are playing out their fantasy - let them do it as someone else's expense, not mine or yours.

     When I bother to call them out, and trust old Sam, he will - they have lots of excuses for this antisocial behavior.  Their favorite?  To accuse you of being  a spammer.  "I only unfollow spammy accounts, and your account, Sam fit the bill.."  Really now? I've never duplicated ANY tweet ever, so calling Sammy spammy means they didn't even bother to look at the timeline before accusing me, so don't let them con you. Besides why do they have a following ratio of 200% or 300%? Their logic is thin, to say the least, let alone self justification at being caught redhanded.

      Last week, I gave a guy the benefit of the doubt. He'd followed me for three days, and I refused to follow him back, his ratio was 178 ( tweepi gives statistics, alot of free sites don't ) and I just caved in.  Well, shortly after following him, I was composing a smarmy tweet to the tune of "You better not unfollow me..." and he already had!!  Funny how humans think, we ferrets are much more loyal.

      All of this comes from a legitimate need to unfollow at certain times, and that is list management.  If not for Twitter's follow limits, these nefarious characters could not shroud their actions.  

                          We have had to Unfollow Followers! 

                Yes, the ugly secret is out: in order to get around Twitter's follow limit of 2001 people we were following, all of us has had to actually "flush" good followers.  To give an example.  If I have 1900 people following me, and I am stuck at 2001 whom I follow?  I may have to go to the last page of Tweepi, and "flush" good followers using the "cleanup" feature.  Hypothetically, I would dump temporarily of course, say 500 followers!!  Just to get around Twitter's follow limit.  OUCH!  That hurts.  They catch on quick too.  Within 24 hours, those people are going to reciprocate by dumping me.  We've had to follow back rather quickly later on, after crossing above the 2000 mark.  Twitter frees up the account.  It is as though Twitter is rewarding you for finding out a way around their rules.

                   Well, back to sarcasm and wit, just had to vent, and help a few struggling tweeps with some experience from the front lines.

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Friday, October 15, 2010

Stirs Sarcastic Sam's Soul

"We never know how high we are 'till we are asked to rise.  And then if we are true to plan our statures touch the sky. -- Emily Dickinson

There is something in that piece that really moves me, nothing sarcastic, nothing humorous, but it almost ignites my spirit to feel like I can do anything.  It is  as if she were actually here, and inspiring me to do just that, reach up, and see if I can fly upon the clouds feel them and  touch the sky.  

Just a thought from Old Sam! God Bless You Ms. Dickinson for taking the time to pen that line.  God Bless You Indeed!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

A Writer on Writing

Awe Shucks, AweWriter ( ) so you're on wordpress?  Well there is no harm in starting a Blogger Account. Now that it's owned by gOOgle, maybe you'll get some more 'hits' ....mmmmm???  Anyway, even though it's a WordPress Blog, here's a link to a writer's blog, and he makes money.  Unlike mine, which is purely for my own self gratification...That did not sound respectable did it???

AweWriter's Blog:

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Sarcastic Sam's Causes

Billy Longbow from Longbow, Tx Writes:  Sam, what causes do you promote?

  Of course, I support our Military, especially on Twitter and Breast Cancer Awareness, two biggies, here are some others.

We need a BFF button.  There are "Like" buttons which send out little electronic impulses across the internet, right?  We think they are just ways to inform our connections that we "Like" Purina dog chow as opposed to Iams..... Well not that simple, let's not be naive.  Everytime you send one of those little signals across the earth, FB is calculating, scheming, and profiling you.  Yes, that's right, as I write this, they are sending out mean looking dudes with notepads who are taking down my address, recording what kind of cage I live in, and what kind of hammock I use for my daily 14 naps, 15 or 16 on Sundays.

"You are one paranoid Ferret"  says Monica from  Santa Monica.  Well, I think not, Monica, you naive human, you.  Facebook admits in their press releases they are profiling ferrets "Likes" and "Dislikes" so they can market to me, and use artificial intelligence to anticipate "probable" buying patterns, trends, and whether I like to smoke chicken legs or pipe tobacco.  "You are pretty well versed in technology for a ferret, Sam, I own a ferret, and he is not half as smart as you" that was from Sandy in Sandy Point, New Jersey.  Sandy, your ferret is smart, you just don't listen.

The BFF Button 

Oh, I must have thought it was FF again,  you know, Forgetful Friday.  My bad. My causes right?   Well Sam Supports the BFF Button.   We need this really badly.  What started as Text Slang or an Abbreviated Acronym "Best Friends Forever" (possessive, not plural) has now come into the vernacular.

The BFF catchphrase is so common that without this button, the entire Universe will self destruct in the year 2012 without it, as predicted by the Mayans. 

Since we know that the Mayans correctly predicted their own demise, and now ours, we ferrets have been secretly meeting to determine ways to save the planet from itself, and have come up with a pretty good solution, that works for everyone.

The BFF button will save the world.  "Sam, you do spin elaborate tales do you not?"  Fred from Frederick, MD.  Look, Fred,  if you read more on Mayan history, you'd know this is the only solution.  Get with the program, or get outa the way.

War Memorial on the Plaza 

My next favorite cause is a Ferret War Memorial in Washington, DC.  This will not be an extensive historical argument, I don't have time, but dogs have War Memorials, don't they? They served in Vietnam and World War II.  And they have a very long history of search and rescue, police work and of course as man's best friend.

Ferrets have served on Naval Vessels for as long as there were navies.  Not to mention the fact that we ran wires by allowing humans to tie them to our tails and we'd pull them where humans could not reach.  Actually ferrets served in the military up until and including World War One.  At which time we became unemployed....eeeerrrrrr  we became consultants.

So there is a strong, unfulfilled need for ferrets to have their own war memorial.

I have other causes I support, but they are more personal, and not enough time today to add here, but next time you see a post that says:  Sam Supports the BFF Button remember, I am just out to save the world.  And give the critters their long overdue respect that they deserve as well, DC really NEEDS a War Memorial.

ALWAYS, ALWAYS Retweet Samuel_Clemons  and Remember to Vote for him for US President in 2012, the Only Ferret Candidate.  I strongly support more naps and dancing.  Let my opponents top that agenda.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Does Sarcasm have a bad rep?

           Follie's Anatomie, or, Satyres and Satyricall Epigrams: "Muse, shew the rigour of a satyres art, In harsh sarcasmes, dissonant and smart…"   We can note here in the English Satirist Henry Hutton's use of  'sarcasmes' [sic] that it has this negative connotation, even then in 1615 A.D.

             From a sociological point of view, sarcasm is constantly misrepresented as negative, when in fact it need not be.  Some sarcasm is not negative at all, and is quite positive.  If humor has healing and restorative powers, why has sarcasm been given such a rep?  I think it may be that it bites and saws away at the listener/reader.  Here is an expert from an anthropologist, herself quoting a study of human history:

        "The corporate chairman throws out a sarcastic remark and those who "get" it laugh, smile,      and gain favor. In the same way, if the chair never makes a remark, sarcastic people are making them behind his or her back, forming a clique by their mutually negative, but funny, comments. Either way, sarcasm plays a role in making and breaking alliances and friendship"  Meredith Small, Anthropologist, Cornell University

       I of course, beg to differ with the esteemed Ms. Small, in that sarcasm is not so negative if in fact it makes people pause and ponder.   I like to say "Sarcasm makes people think - twice - or three times"   which is the whole point, isn't it?  Just last night a twerson remarked to Sam:  "I often get a joke 2 or 3 days later, and it makes me laugh"  thus is the spiritual force behind sarcasm.  It can pay off days sometimes years later, and restore one's soul with laughter. Of course if the joke is ever gotten at all. 

       So sarcasm for a screenwriter, author, blogger, comedienne, or entertainer is absolutely essential.  Without sarcasm, there can be no twisted warped political satire, our entire society would break down.  If Jon Stewart is the most respected news source for college kids worldwide, where would this generation be without his biting sarcasm and irony?  Don't let people's misunderstanding of the term itself stop you from using sarcasm.  Learn to separate it's reputation from it's effect upon your characters and development.  Experienced satirists and writers never actually use the word.  We don't say: "I was being sarcastic"  we are just sarcastic. 

        Now, one lone ferret crying in the wilderness that sarcasm has a bad rep will not change the world, or layperson's misappropriation of the word.  "Are you being sarcastic?" will not go away because Sarcastic Sam preaches a new day dawning.  But maybe, just maybe, we can all learn that sarcastic expressions are absolutely essential to humor as laughter itself.

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