Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Sarcastic Sam's Causes

Billy Longbow from Longbow, Tx Writes:  Sam, what causes do you promote?

  Of course, I support our Military, especially on Twitter http://twitter.com/milblogging and Breast Cancer Awareness, two biggies, here are some others.

We need a BFF button.  There are "Like" buttons which send out little electronic impulses across the internet, right?  We think they are just ways to inform our connections that we "Like" Purina dog chow as opposed to Iams..... Well not that simple, let's not be naive.  Everytime you send one of those little signals across the earth, FB is calculating, scheming, and profiling you.  Yes, that's right, as I write this, they are sending out mean looking dudes with notepads who are taking down my address, recording what kind of cage I live in, and what kind of hammock I use for my daily 14 naps, 15 or 16 on Sundays.

"You are one paranoid Ferret"  says Monica from  Santa Monica.  Well, I think not, Monica, you naive human, you.  Facebook admits in their press releases they are profiling ferrets "Likes" and "Dislikes" so they can market to me, and use artificial intelligence to anticipate "probable" buying patterns, trends, and whether I like to smoke chicken legs or pipe tobacco.  "You are pretty well versed in technology for a ferret, Sam, I own a ferret, and he is not half as smart as you" that was from Sandy in Sandy Point, New Jersey.  Sandy, your ferret is smart, you just don't listen.

The BFF Button 

Oh, I must have thought it was FF again,  you know, Forgetful Friday.  My bad. My causes right?   Well Sam Supports the BFF Button.   We need this really badly.  What started as Text Slang or an Abbreviated Acronym "Best Friends Forever" (possessive, not plural) has now come into the vernacular.

The BFF catchphrase is so common that without this button, the entire Universe will self destruct in the year 2012 without it, as predicted by the Mayans. 

Since we know that the Mayans correctly predicted their own demise, and now ours, we ferrets have been secretly meeting to determine ways to save the planet from itself, and have come up with a pretty good solution, that works for everyone.

The BFF button will save the world.  "Sam, you do spin elaborate tales do you not?"  Fred from Frederick, MD.  Look, Fred,  if you read more on Mayan history, you'd know this is the only solution.  Get with the program, or get outa the way.

War Memorial on the Plaza 

My next favorite cause is a Ferret War Memorial in Washington, DC.  This will not be an extensive historical argument, I don't have time, but dogs have War Memorials, don't they? They served in Vietnam and World War II.  And they have a very long history of search and rescue, police work and of course as man's best friend.

Ferrets have served on Naval Vessels for as long as there were navies.  Not to mention the fact that we ran wires by allowing humans to tie them to our tails and we'd pull them where humans could not reach.  Actually ferrets served in the military up until and including World War One.  At which time we became unemployed....eeeerrrrrr  we became consultants.

So there is a strong, unfulfilled need for ferrets to have their own war memorial.

I have other causes I support, but they are more personal, and not enough time today to add here, but next time you see a post that says:  Sam Supports the BFF Button remember, I am just out to save the world.  And give the critters their long overdue respect that they deserve as well, DC really NEEDS a War Memorial.

ALWAYS, ALWAYS Retweet Samuel_Clemons  and Remember to Vote for him for US President in 2012, the Only Ferret Candidate.  I strongly support more naps and dancing.  Let my opponents top that agenda.


  1. Ok Sam, I'm hooked if you are. FDWalsh http://www.powerfitz.com/blog/blog/wordpress

  2. You must start a Twitition Sam. It's the only way to get the ball rolling on this...and yes there's a bell in that ball so it'll motivate every ferret within a 100 mile radius to follow it!

  3. If only humans were as wise and witty as you, Samuel Clemons. The world would be a better place.

  4. Humor in ferret uniform. I love it!