Sunday, August 28, 2011

what hurricane?

i usually lay on my back, and watch cartoons on saturday mornings - until the cat slinks into the room, and in avoiding me, only attracts me to give her an impromptu dance lesson, my cartoons are forgotten,  and a Great ~Wiggling~  ensues, at least to me it's a celebration, for her, the cat, she could care less; i've resolved myself that she just doesn't like to dance, but you can't fault me for trying, so i chewed the mute button off the remote,  after turning the volume up - i've learned this is important - if the pet human can mute the TV, then it won't be able to enjoy the full surround sound effect - on full blast -  and WOW!

my cartoons were pre empted by non stop hurricane coverage!  how could this be? what is a ferret to do on his back watching this stuff? no... this would not do, and  i was taken in by the drama, first a category 3, possibly a 5, i had to stock up on poptarts and decided that the only logical thing to do was corner the market on them;  i figured if there was going to be a power outage, then i better have plenty of blueberry...

the grocery clerk's expression was a mix of speechlessness and slightly raised eyebrows over her glasses when she saw two shopping carts full of the delectable hurricane food;  "you are so cute"  and the pet human smiled back at her, thinking she was speaking to him.  she: "no not you, lil sam, he's so cute..." to which the pet human sort of smiled a grunt of acceptance...  "you really like blueberry don't you?" she asked, "oh, he has to have the shiny wrappers, he's a hoarder"  said my pet;

much the same reaction at the hardware store, the gas station, i thought it might be a good idea to oversee the entire operation, you never know when a pet human might need some assistance;

my scheme is simple: if i corner the market on blueberry, the law of supply and demand should drive the price up... it's pure logic:  by my estimates,  when the hurricane wipes the entire east coast off the map, with long lines at the soup kitchens, and Red Cross feeding troughs, i would be sitting on a gold mine, literally, not that i would willingly part with any shiny wrappers, but if my calculations were correct, i would be a rich ferret!

and this morning i awoke to the bad news:  hurricane Irene was a complete bummer;  one lady phoned in to the local newstation:  "The storm blew my dog's squeaky shark off the roof"   another said she saw a couple of leaves on her neighbor's yard... and the weather guy stationed at the beach said that Irene blew the harbor camera off by 6 or 7 degrees, evidence of it's ferocity...

The Lady Never Liked This Tree Anyway

one new york caller tweeted the washington, DC desk:  "we are asking if this storm will mean we should get a shopping bag of poptarts...."  obviously hoodwinked by the media blitz; at least i knew i was onto something; the journalist wrly commented, "no you probably won't need to stock up"

and the local news stations, rather than go back to regular programming, are STILL broadcasting this non event, are  non stop IreneCasting!  as if by sheer force of will showing pictures of a couple of downed trees, and non flooded streets of historic Alexandria, VA this will justify their hijacking of the airwaves for the last two days;  they could at least let me watch some SUNDAY cartoons, maybe the cat will change her mind, and take to dancing wif me? but no, here they are showing a couple of trees blown over, and two limbs in a couple of front yards;   all of which in hindsight makes about as much sense as... well as  ....

me trying to corner the market on blueberry poptarts.


I Tweet at @Samuel_Clemons


  1. Lol. Sorry you weren't able to make your fortune in poptarts, Sammy. I'm glad Irene was more hype than hurt, though. Thanks for your fun report on the not-so-storm.

  2. Ha! What a great morning laugh! I can see you with two shopping carts of pop tarts. A completely normal response to Hurricane Warnings!! You are a true story teller Sam, and can spin a yarn with the best of em!!

  3. HAHA YES. YES. I love this, it's amazing and you are hysterical.

  4. Glad you are safe and sound you furry lil moppet! (one can never have too many shiny things)

  5. Glad Irene was a bust, and if you freeze those Pop Tarts Sammy, you might just have enough stocked to get you through next hurricane season. :D

    Reminds me of the bread and milk travesty we have here in the south when they predict it MIGHT snow.

    *sigh* at least growing up in California, there was nothing to prepare for with earthquakes. Except not wearing spike heels.

    loved the post!
    ~cath xx
    find me on Twitter @jonesbabie

  6. You can never have too many poptarts tho...

  7. I have been meaning to stop by and say how funny this was, and everytime I stopped I found something else that was funny, and just started laughing!

    " The Storm knocked my dog's squeaky shark off the roof" OMG that was funny, I really, really needed to laugh, and if you know a ferret is funny going in, it's easy to laugh. You make me laugh, Samuel Clemons, and that is a gift you have when you write.

    And I don't know why, but when you heard the announcer say "You probably don't need to stock up.." that was you being able to put yourself in ridiculous situations, and make fun of your own absurdities. That is so cool, I wish I could write like that, and just be silly, Sam.

    Sometimes you are just what the Doctor ordered. Thanks.

    Jean I Tweet at @SexyJeans

    OH, P.S. I can't stop laughing. The whole idea of cornering the BlueBerry Poptart market... Where do you come up with that kind of thing? That is so funny.

  8. Hey, at least you're ready for the next storm, Sammy! Fun post, my friend. We stocked up with frosted raspberry and cookies and cream pop tarts. The blueberry flavor seemed to be missing...