Thursday, September 29, 2011


i've read recently of some bad mommas.  i was in the grocery store sleeping in my pet human's pocket, when i poked my head out.  i smelled blueberry coffee wif a touch of hazelnut, my fav. ( today is national coffee day )  giving the aisle a sniff, i saw a cute girl in a cart, and she wanted some cereal, and her mom, like any mom,  did not think the brand was good for her, "no honey, not that cereal, let's pick another..."  to which the girl replied, quite loudly, so all of us could hear:  "YOU'RE A BAD MOMMY!!"

i dived for the safety of my warm pocket, wif a wiggle, and the pet human chuckled.  obviously, the lass had it backwards, but it might take her a few years to figure that out.  this is not the kind of mommy i am instantly referring to.  no, i'm talking about those mommys who provoke fights, and get arrested or find themselves on the evening news occasionally.  i read where one actually scheduled, set up the fight, then famously recorded the action on her iPhone.  was this for posterity, or to relish the lovely moment during the holidays?

why a mom would set up an after-school fight between two kids is beyond me.  whether by osmosis, or any other transference the kids involved will probably grow up to be bullies in the least, lead horrible lives; or become  drunkards, like my swedish Uncle Freddie. 

i have asked these two rapscallions not to wrestle in the street, it might give the neighborhood a bad rep, but they persist.   i've spoken to their mom, she's on the right, in the bushes, she seems to encourage their hood behavior. 

not only do the two offenders not care who sees their dysfunctionality, of which they are blissfully unaware,  they are quite comfortable stopping traffic, and letting the entire planet see this disreputable conduct.

should i even bother speaking to the mother?  i have mixed thoughts on this, i think she's just interested in finding another hit of fall berry sauce.


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you might also like:  Uncle Freddie and the Drunk Elk:

a reader favorite:  "Harriet


  1. Well Played Oh Great and Mighty His Awesomeness. Your subtle twisting is endless, and my hat goes off to you with respect friend! You do spin a tale, literally from a vantage point that few people notice. The rest of us are wowed by the bears' cuteness, and you focus on the mother in the bushes. Oh so smooove, so smoove. I also think you typing in small characters is priceless. Now, if you could somehow, get that "osmosis" to work for me, and pass some of it along, I would greatly appreciate it, Sir Samuel Zeus Clemons.

    I Tweet at @ResultsRMixed Say Hello Sometime Sam, glad to see ya!

  2. and you make a rare appearance yourself, Einstein. to what do i owe this occasion? is it auspicious, or suspicious? i don't know about osmosis, which is a popular way of expressing what we absorb from birth. however, i can say, just let the words flow from heart to fingertips, in that manner we are less likely to interrupt the flow of creativity. whatever is so well planned and thought out tends to be long winded, and too much. we only have 45 seconds or so to make our point, so why spend three hours on a blog post. i spend 5 minutes writing, ten editing, and if they like it fine, if they don't get it, they are probably WAY too OCD for my tastes anyway. glad to see you again.

    do you think i should make the comment section where i "reply" to them, like my Twitter lawyer @PiperBayard does? i really would reply to everyone, but that feature on blogger means i am approving comments. and approving commentary smacks of censorship to which i am adamantly opposed... just thinking out loud. let me know how you'd handle it

    the kettle whistleth


  3. Hi Sammy. I wish there were more bad mommies like the one you saw in the store. Too many people confuse discipline with abuse. One is a form of love. "I love you too much to let you do that." The other is, well, abuse.

    I appreciate your stand on censorship. With a blog like mine, though, it can attract fifty-centers. Once one of them is published, hordes of them follow, and, like trolls, they tend to frighten decent people who enjoy conversing. I do approve all commenters who are not spammers or verifiable fifty-centers, though. Just so you know my policy on that. :)

    Thanks for a great blog, Sammy. I always enjoy your writing, and these bears are adorable, if ill behaved. I'm just glad they're not my kids.

  4. Your experience sounds like an episode of "What Would You Do?," minus the cameras. The iPhone setup is beyond extreme... Thanks for bringing up a fierce issue and making us smile and melt over cute bears in a single post! @AugstMcLaughlin

  5. August, my indignation is apparant, i know, when kids like this might go to college, be really good bears, maybe even get on a Pepsi or Coke commercial, save the forests or something... so sad to see them raise so much trouble in the streets.. they need good role models.

  6. Ha, agreed! Thanks for the note. Your is one of the most original blogs I've read of late. :)

  7. LOL love the bad mommy and the bears are soooo cute. Samuel you have such an amazing talent to make everyone's heart melt and giggle at the same time. We love you.....throwing a big sock to my furry friend :) @penelopephoto

  8. i thought you was gonna say i'm good lookin' Pen!! and handsome... and ... how i would make a great model, and be on da cover of Ferret Monthly as the Awesome Critter Reward!!

  9. Good bear mommy does not make a good human mommy, and vice versa. Just one of those things. Except for salmon catching.

  10. ...and what of the new mommy trend I see way too much of in the news...the "I'll throw my baby away and act like like lost it" act...seems like Munchausen by Proxy to me, and a vaccine is needed.

  11. I can't think of a reason why a mom would set up a fight between her kid and another kid, and then film it! Maybe to have proof that the other kid was hurting hers? Or to make her kid feel like a Winner?

    Thanks for a creative blog, as usual! I love Uncle Freddie.