top ten funny twitter accounts

i was surfing around on my barbie surfer, because GI Joe needs to get some cooler stuff, barbie has everything, and i have to use chick bikes, her corvette if i wanna burn rubber and leave marks on my human's floor... i mean i can train my human to do just about anything, i might get him to paint all this barbie stuff a really cool shade of blue...

so i was surfing around, and wanted some funny stuff, and found a site that had the "funniest" people to follow on Titter..  i found one the other day:  MileysBong  all fine and good, but the account had run out about two weeks ago, right along with that boring story, i mean a teenager smoking pot?  yea, ok, since everyone in america has tried pot, including our last 18 presidents, that was predictable...

so this site suggests 10 funny people to follow! how absolutely a waste of time is that?  i mean they chose "the onion" as number one...  are they kidding me?  no pun there, sorry. 

this is a shout out to the millions, and i mean millions of tweets daily which come from everyday people:  witty, smarmy, sarcastic, funny, humorous, and just downright hilarious.  Twitter is a pretty funny place, and it deserves a whole lot better than a "top ten funny twerson's" list

Pride and Prejudice

persistence and the number 241543903

persistence is a powerful thing.  one can put their tweets on auto rotation with software, and keep posting their blog entries at random or regular intervals, and eventually, if they are persistent, everyone on their timeline will get a shot at that hyperlink on Twitter.  facebook is the same way, if one posts the same information with different "headlines" or eye catching compelling titles, eventually their fr and fam  will see it, and give it a click.  Linkedin is no different, join enough groups, post links to enough professionals, and again, use compelling short topics,  people will see us.

so there really is a fine line between persistence and outright spam.  i tend to think of spam as redundant, the same post over and over with no variation, this is annoying, and shallow, and obvious, but is persistence spam as well?  i guess spam in and of itself then is hard to define when we look at the word in light of persistence, one person's spam is another's determination?

no, i am not OCD, no I am not OCD, no I am not OCD..  if i tell myself i am not obsessive compulsive, being a ferret, is that not a bit of obsession?

so my point is this:  there is a pretty unique number we can find by gOOgling it, that is going to gOOgle and typing in the number 241543903.   here, i've done it for you, right click this link ( open in another window ) but remember to come "back" here when you are through
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=241543903

the third "hit"  or gOOGle entry states:

Oct 26, 2009 ... 241543903 (a.k.a Heads in Freezers) is a numerical keyword associated with a photo meme that involves people taking pictures with their ...  


so we know that the story dates back to at least October 2009 and yet persists to this day, to wit, if you simply type in gOOgle in your search on Twitter, you can still find this story, almost 15 months later!

so this is spam or persistence?  well, if you are a pissed off, drunken sot with no life, and want something to complain about, it's probably spam to you, and should be barred from the internet, and these people who stick their heads in freezers are complete losers, and they are all part of a plan to spam the entire world with their idiot photos on flicker or Twitpic or wherever it is they are posting them

however if you are one of the people with your head in the freezer, you think the number 241543903 is a cute reminder of the viral effect of the internet, and you have your half second of fame, not quite andy warhol's 15 min, but what the heck

and alas, if you are the ingenious creater of 241543903, you are quite tickled with yourself,  because against all odds, in the very face of logic, and all that is important to anyone in this world, with absolutely no key word search, no help from corporate investors, this crazy if not entirely random number is associated with people sticking their heads in freezers and having it's own set of searches on gOOgle.  without persistence, and keeping this crazy story alive it would have died out in an hour, when the first person didn't rush to put his/her head in the freezer!  whoever set out to make this point had to have persistence, to keep it alive this long, that much is clear



often, my fine folks, the difference between failure and success is persistence

thomas edison said, he failed 1,000 times in attempting to create artificial light, and  failure was just part of success, the two go hand in hand

so next time you want to give up, next time you are exhausted, next time you are convinced that it's probably all been a big waste of time, remember:

the difference between making it, and not making it, is "one more try"

penelope and the fat man

     i was outside on the corner with this cat, she'd been teasing all the alleycats, acting nervous, and it seemed she wanted a distraction.  being such a good lookin hunk a flesh as i am, cats don't bother me, like maybe they bother some animals... had i been a dog, or parakeet, maybe she would have caused a ruckus; a cacophony of noise would have erupted, the pandemonium would have gotten us all run off, but such was not the case, i sorta' eased my way into the conversation, with my charming smile, and gave her my best look, which isn't hard, slayer they called me in college, i just slay all the chicks, when i heard and saw the biggest fattest guy in my life arrive in a flourish, there wasn't much choice but to stare, no manners were being observed in this instance, this guy was big, and he rode the smallest little scooter right up on to the curb, with no hesitation, then i noticed the milk crate contraption attached to the handlebars and a movement, it was a pug dog, inside the box, a pug! a pug, was in the milk crate.  now i don't often question my perceptions, they are what i have always thought - pretty accurate, shall we call them 'instinctive' with no pun? this was indeed a pug.  i climbed upon the window  sill of the restaurant on the corner to get a better look, and yes, it was a pug, a little pug of a dog, all sniffly and energetic, wrapped in a dog sized sweatshirt, and another sweater over that, a pink sweater.  i barely noticed the cat had slipped off down the sidewalk, as i got my vantage point fixed, and asked the fat man,  "what's her name...."   to which he replied,  "penelope"  and i then asked him if he minded if i take a sniff, to which he shook his head yes, as he prepped his bike to go inside the mall, i did indeed sniff penelope, who kindly licked me and gave me a slobber, not realizing the man was in a bit of counter shock himself to meet probably for the first time in his obese, over heart pumped life a talking ferret who wanted to sniff his dog, no wonder he'd only shook his head at me, i was so enthralled, so utterly enchanted with penelope i'd forgotten the shock i sometimes put folks through, and this overweight fella was indeed just a tad bit taken aback. in the long scheme of life, i figured at that moment that one could say we were likely equally shocked by this encounter.  but, alas, i was to be outdone.  the fat man hoisted penelope upon his shoulder, and she balanced nicely i might add thereupon, and walked away into the mall, as I said, "bye penelope!" and waved goodbye.

such are the moments that provide the greatest joys and happiness if we are willing to look and slow down, and see what pops out of milk crates.

Return to the top of the blog to see all of sam's posts

writer wednesday

   i've noticed WW is used by japanese or koreans i think it is like their #FF or something, quite the hashtag on twitter - but the writing community has adopted the #WW anyway, plowing right on through as if we could care less


  so what's a ferret to write about with his new found resolution to write each day?  i tried making my resolutions yesterday:  i will not steal the remote;  i will not chew the rubber buttons off of the remote; i will continue to teach the cat to dance, even when she doesn't want to; i will continue to laugh hysterically when my humans stub their toe; you know the normal stuff

   but my bestest resolve will be my attempt to blog something each morning, and give all my adoring fans ( one ) some little tidbit which is not that hard a resolution, not for me, it's not even discipline really, it's just something that has to be done, and once started watch out,  uh oh, this just in:  Natalie from Portland, "Sam, get on with the story, you freakin windbag"  me:  thanks for that Natalie.

    so why not a quick word about this wednesday thing we call:

   #WW or #WriteWednesday is an interesting concept.  I have noticed that alot of writers don't follow back, or shall we say are not good "list managers"...  But let me tell you  we need each other!

    with the disintegration of the traditional publishing business eBooks and self publishing are exploding.  we as writers need to support one another.  it's important to not be envious of your competitor, let's face it there is a huge world out there and even if a buyer buys all ten of your competitors eBooks, it does not mean they won't buy yours... get over the envy, support other writers, follow back, and get a life

     you may also like a short take on following back

     you may like a piece i wrote on following limits

     click here to return to Twitter  http://twitter.com/samuel_clemons

     Click Here! eBook Software Create Your own eBooks

    DiCaprio Inception Inception (Two-Disc Edition) [Blu-ray]

social media can be a rough place

yesterday i went to a site and posted a comment only to have about 8 to ten members gang up on me, and name call..  which i find just a bit too cute by half.. of course they tout themselves as open minded, of course they have an "open forum" for discussion, and of course they are right....


this morning, before coming over here to my barnyard, i noted that i saw a twerson who was to use her phrase "attacked" on facebook, and another who mentioned ppl talking "behind" her back...  some of this may just be the day of the week, as research has indicated that Tuesday thru Thursday are "mean tweet" days, Thursday being the peek... with the weekends being "happy tweet" days, peeking happily on Sunday...

now, using that logic, and the Nor'eastern that blew through this weekend, maybe people are getting cabin fever, maybe they are isolating, maybe they are feeling depressed, and expressing it in their social media posts, and i can accept that especially since it's my own rationalization


but are we taking it all a bit too seriously?  i don't think so.  i've been "not so nice" myself on social formats and lost relationships because of it, i am at least open and honest to say it, and will not remain in denial. i have vented and really blasted people.... "you sam, no way" tongue in cheek you might add. oh yea, baby, believe it, the smarmy one himself is quite capable of lashing out and like anyone, i might be tempted to do it on those closest to me

one morning, i said, and God is my witness here: "you are up early.."  four simple words, a statement of fact, salutation, and greeting combined in a few short words, right? well oh boy,  i was on the receiving end, this gal said.."look, you aren't a single mom, what do you know about work, and raising kids and rising early having to do my social media in the dark, and juggle my life, you don't know me, you don't know what i go through, who do you think you are..." 

yea, when they say the line, "you don't know me..." i find defense mechanism written all over that, and generally is a prelude to their own odd lashing out behavior, which indeed, in this case it was, she later apologized, nobody ever wants to piss off the ferret, he's just too verbose and sensitive, and open, and he's a big mouth, so that doesn't ever end well, and he will get frequent apologies

my point this morning is that we cannot underestimate social media..its real, and it's here to stay, and it's not imaginary, it's not the "other half" of our real lives, it's not a cyber reality, vs our "real" reality, it is reality.  to some people it is their job, their income, their lives, they make their living in this cyber world, to others, it is their substitution for a life they wish they had.  avitars for many people are what they wish they looked like, a fantasy where they have shed a few pounds or years, or added a touch of highlights to their hair, or even added hair.

when facebook crossed the 400 million and then 500 million person mark, it became necessary, shall we say essential for all of us to maintain an online image. someone somewhere is collecting data on us, and we are what our online profile says we are, and if we want to curse, act like idiots, fight and use fake names, so be it...  i know people who are complete whores on facebook in one profile, and they maintain, another decent, church and granny proof existence on their sane profile.

God forbid their employer ever find out, or they apply for a gov't job.  leads me to my last point, as i have to go annoy people on twitter and plot with other ferrets to take over the world.  those people who vent on social media do pay the price emotionally, and spiritually, they live with the consequences of their actions. but there is a bigger truth here:  people who spew hate at you have something wrong with them, not you.  its hard to remember this in the heat of the moment when someone is venting, but THEY ARE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM.  forgive them, let it go, move on.  more than likely they are upset at something else, not even related to what you said, they are just mad at the world, or they are insecure, and difficult anyway, so let it go.  if the bad behavior persists, then start to consider spending less time with them.

so next time someone wants to bring you down, remember, do like the ferret does, laugh, dance and sing, and snuggle a bit, and pray for them, they need it, they are having a bad day, and you are only gonna make their day worse by feeding into their crap...  dance and sing your way to a better moment.

have a ferret nice day

Here's a book on Social Media Marketing All-in-One For Dummies
its an all inclusive desk ref from September 2010

Best Seller: The Gift  Susan Boyle Nov. 9th, 2010 

return to top of blog to see all posts http://samuelclemons.blogspot.com

return to Twitter  http://twitter.com/samuel_clemons

waking early no norman mailer

look if a ferret can get up before daylight appears and post a little something to his blog, so can you..  it's called a schedule, or maybe it's discipline, or maybe it is just doing what we are supposed to do

i am not perfect at it, that is the enigmatic conundrum is it not?  we as writers never think our writing is perfect, yet we strive for perfection, so we must accept the fact that is part of our make up, we are this way, period

then just keep doing it... now we will miss a day but should we miss two?  i pictured yesterday Norman Mailer out on Cape Cod, his mistress/wife/maid taking care of him, old beyond old, his last days spent finishing the last work, putting it together, not to leave her a few million more in her bank account, not so that he'd hear the praise and the accolades of critics and press, but because that is what writers do, they write

i can't remember who said it:  "Writers Write" but progress is the name of the game, not perfection.  we must make the progress each day, and put something down, and i admit, i am the worst at it..

so help me here:  i tweet at @samuel_clemons and ask me:  sam did you write today?  keep me going, remind a busy ferret that his morning should be researching, reading, living, and throwing some lines down... entertaining is not easy, so it's really hard sometimes for me, i get all creaky boned, i get to eating my poptarts, then fall asleep, and want to take a nap, get excited, and dance around the room like an idiot, then pass out on the nearest human's lap... life is tough as a humorist, because sometimes a ferret just don't like bein' funny!

but life is progress, not perfection, and writers write, so i have to do a better job in 2011 than i did in 2010

keep me on track, and tweet me in January, and get me to put words down, thanks

Tweet



Your Own eBook Software Only $9.97 Click Here!

Bestseller:   The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes

If you need a wonderful place to sell your eBook, or don't know where to start let me help you at http://sarcasticsam.com 

windows traveling in europe

i just really liked the architecture and well, i liked the window on the left, i wonder who picked it? ha!

from "traveling through windows"  article at lonely planet be sure to use the back button to get back here and the twitter feed on my blog if you like the article

to return to the top of sam's blog to see all his posts, http:samuelclemons.blogspot.com 

to return to twitter

The Rough Guide to Europe on a Budget (Rough Guide Travel Guides) (Rough Guide Travel Guides)