Sunday, July 31, 2011

i am shy and modest

why are we on social media at all if not to get blog hits, and get our message out?
what seperates a writer from a speaker, accountant, or maybe a movie star?  there is a compelling urge to have our written words read by someone else, appreciated or at least our opinions seen.  so, i think we need to get the word out there, and not be bashful about it.   we can completely ignore the whiners and negative tweets we've heard about NOT posting our link more than once per day.  alot of those comments come from people who are not writers, and don't have anything to lose from taking that kind of position.  i don't mean that we should be obnoxious, and we certainly don't want to spam our wall or timeline ( spam, by my definition is the constantly repeated tweet or post, without any deviation in order to gain hits, or push a page up the SEO rankings )

a simple hit counter is useful, but look at your stats.  if your blog provider does not offer stats, then back up your blog on a provider that does.  hit counters only total numbers, giving you no analysis.

Find a Provider that Provides Statistics
 a great short read on twitter hits from a master networker, and professional technical writer who dabbles in social media:  ProNetworkBuild on Twitter packs more in that page of Twitter Tips, than you might find in a year of trial and error.  why gamble?  learn from a pro free!  right click these links, and OPEN IN ANOTHER TAB, so you don't lose your place here.

so my suggestions are simple:  

1. tweet me your post, i'll get the message out.  use to shorten the link, don't use the "Tweet Button" which takes up more characters than TinyURL.  

2. collaborate with influencers, folks you know will retweet your link.  my twitter attorney, @PiperBayard get's hits from me. (you can hire her, but she charges me two pop tart wrappers, just for a consult, and my heart breaks losing even one shiny object )  i can't  say how many hits she gets as I am not privy to her statistics, but i have posted her links on my Facebook, G+ account, and all over Twitter.  the idea is that i do this for many, many people.  God has blessed me with followers, and i take my blessings seriously, it is my duty to inform others of good writers, so i do.  another is @MuseInks when i had very few followers, i would tweet her writing tips.  she probably got all kinds of nuts and whack jobs tweeting her, i attract a rather demented crowd.  she's a screenwriter and great person to follow.  these are but two examples, i cannot list all of the collaborations i have here.

3. cross market on Facebook, Twitter and Google +, although I have found that Twitter yields the greatest number of hits.

4. be generous, keep planting and sowing, don't stop to look at the row you planted to see if a seed popped up, just keep planting and sowing.  meaning of course, keep putting other people's links out there.  when the time comes, tweet those people your link.  they'll retweet it.

5. tweet between 4pm and 4:50 pm Eastern Standard Time, research, analysis, and reports have indicated time and again that this is the single best time to get your message out, because more people are on the internet. ( just one report by way of example: The Best Time to Tweet by Bit Rebels )  the east coast of the U.S. is still at work, and there is a mad rush for many of the end users to "get their tweet on"

6.  don't be modest or shy.  people cannot read your mind, they don't have crystal balls, most are not telepathic.  there is no way for them to know you have recently written the greatest blog post since Mashable went to a blogger conference and conspired to be the go to blog for tech...  readers have no way of knowing, if you don't tell them. 

7.  stay at it, not all blog posts are groovy, some suck, don't let the sucky ones get you down.  if thomas edison had given up after only 1,000 attempts, we'd all be striking two sticks together....  writers are not quitters, and all else being equal, persistence is the one single factor that yeilds success.

in conclusion, do you know of any great masseuses?  i am looking for.... ooops, wrong post.....  i have to go make some tea, and wake up, these early sunday morning posts are brutal on my schedule.


i tweet at @Samuel_Clemons  and my Facebook?

Thursday, July 28, 2011

the underdog

what it is about the underdog that brings out the very best in us?  is it overcoming impossible odds? doing the ordinary when nobody gives the downtrodden even that much hope?  well this guy was the runt, and here's his story.  his name is dozer, he was born an underdog, and he is now famous....   i could have posted another video, but the way ABC News tells the story is the best, so click the link.

do you have any underdog moments?  leave a comment below 


if you would like to follow me on twitter, I tweet at @Samuel_Clemons

i am on Google + at

and on Facebook at

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Putins Army of Beauties

I just laughed at this piece.  nothing profound, no wonderful insightful commentary, just pure laughter.  what got me to giggling?  the cheap, seediness of the whole thing.  who was trying to make a headline here?  Putin?  was this the work of a rich, powerful guy? or just some really, really bad PR firm with no more creativity that this?

and the news desk?  ha! laughable was the female's reaction to the piece, she said she couldn't look at it, "Its horrible" meanwhile, she kept looking, almost as if she wished she were a bikini clad car washer herself... i may be wrong,  doesn't she really want to be in the video? i just don't see her reaction as legitimate:

Putin's Army as they call themselves should be Putin's Tramps.   and what kind of army is a handful 7 or 8 gals... not quite the Red Army marching through Red Square is it?

In the second video, a brunnette walks through town, and the cameraman can't resist raking over her cleavage. 

chalk this one up to the MOST USELESS PR STUNT since the crew threw those  turkeys out of the helicopter in WKRP in Cincinnati.

Putin's Beautiful Army:  Women Undress and March For Putin's Third Term.....

Click Here for more Antics, ooops, I mean the full article and a couple more amateur PR Videos.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Oslo Shooter No Fundamentalist, Shame on the Media

Trying to grapple the why and how of the Oslo  bombing, and the deaths of more than 90 kids at a camp is hard to do.    We can only grasp that the accused is deranged, mentally off the charts, and that is about as far as we can define him.  Yet the media driven by early police statements are very quick to "Label" the offender.

First reports were that the murders must have been an act of Muslim Terrorists, and TV broadcast news gave their usual bylines:  "So far, Al Queda has not taken credit for the bombing....."  and then the reports of the Camp shootings came out, and a possible link.

Then the media rushed to repeat what the Police said:  This was the work of a   "Right Wing Christian Fundamentalist "  and I will simply say, that is the wrong definition, and the Media should be very quick to clarify such a fantastic claim.  

Anders Breivek Twitter Page, No Christian Fundamentalist

Christian Fundamentalism is about arguing against modern Science/Religion.  It is a firm, and often vigorous belief that this world was created by God in a quick 7 days about 7,000 years ago, and we are all decendents from Adam and Eve.  

Simply put, a Christian Fundamentalist, strictly believes in what is in the Bible, takes the Bible literally, not theoretically; there is no hierarchy, no "leader" in fundamentalism, and it is a belief system, often by very well meaning, and sincere people.

You might remember from your history class, about The Scopes Trial  or "Monkey Trials" about an evolution pamphlet.  And the great impact and uproar it caused at the time. John Scopes a Biology teacher was charged with illegally teaching the theory of evolution, in 1925.

Inherit the Wind a 1960 movie based loosely on the Scopes Monkey Trial was cast with Spencer Tracy and Fredric March.  This was an attack upon anti intellectualism in the 1950's a generation removed from the actual events, so it was a sly exploration into the accepted beliefs and value systems of American society at the time. 

Tracy and March in Inherit the Wind 

  It is important to question the media.  In this day and age when each network is no longer objective, and has no intention of being objective it is more and more important to question what we see in the media.  

  Granted, the police labeled the Oslo shooter, Anders Breivik as a Right Wing Fundamentalist Christian simply, and admittedly from what little they knew at the time.  Major news outlets were quick to grasp this definition, and run with it.  Was this responsible journalism?  Of course not.  Will the media retract and redefine those labels? I doubt it.  Will the Norwegian Police clarify their mistake? I assume not.   It is up to us to question what we hear, and not accept at first glance what is broadcast.

Remember the Scopes Trial.   Evolution vs. Creationism defines a Christian's "Fundamentalism".

Crazy right wing nuts who blow up buildings and shoot children have no business being labeled anything whatsoever.  They are murderers, and their writings and ramblings certainly have no place in the story of Creation, or Evolution.


Saturday, July 23, 2011

Salon Owner Takes Robber as Sex Slave

rarely do i have time to post a great story, that hasn't already been covered by my Twitter attorney, @PiperBayard  that belly dancing vixen who sleuths around the internet in her new found role.  i was only able to beat her to the punch this week because of Uncle Freddie:  

"sammy,  this is a story that I have to cover! buy me a ticket to Russia"  i stared at the phone, as if it were uncle freddie in my hand, and not plastic and buttons.

why do we look at phones?  is this something we've seen in the movies, where we stare stupidly at the phone?

flummoxed does not sit upon the countenance of a ferret well.  it is documented  that ferrets have no known predators.  we used to chase mean,  street hardened, life embittered sewer rats for a living! so it aint every day we get a look of flummoxation upon us.

uncle freddie is no stranger to the hair brained scheme.  he once thought it would be a great idea for me to include the word diarrhea in all my posts for a few laughs.

a 28 year old  female salon owner in Meshchovsk, Russia Olga Zajac,  also a black belt in karate, kicked a robber, Viktor Jasinski, 32 who was trying to inflict criminal behavior upon her salon.
hazy pic of Olga blurred to protect her roots

after knocking him out, Olga tied Viktor up in the back room with a blow dryer  cord  and had sex with him for 3 days,  force feeding him Viagra.

this was to teach Viktor a lesson, apparently,  and when she was finished with him, she gave him 1000 rubles and freed the object of her desires... or ran out of Viagra, that part is not quite clear.

indignant over being used as a sex slave Viktor went to the police, who eventually arrested both of them.

let this be a lesson to all the would be salon robbers:  never run out of Viagra. 

"uncle freddie, your sleuthing skills or reportage of this story are not required:  it was covered in the Daily Mail.... obscured of course by the Rupert Murdoch debacle...but it's been covered...."

"sammy you moron, i don't want to cover the story.  i want to meet this Olga.... sounds like my kind of gal"

and he calls me a moron

Friday, July 22, 2011

Saddest Postcard

Shirley is a marvel, a bit eccentric, but hey, who isn't?  Shirley has a pet spa, complete with pool, air conditioned kennels, a beach, if i am not mistaken, they might be able to take tennis lessons.  Shirley is pet human to many dogs, old, blind, the ailing, she and they grow old together, she gives them a life they might not otherwise enjoy.  many is the time, a visitor is surprised when a blankey starts to move, a rustling sound is heard, and out from underneath pops a rickety old doggy for a stretch.  yes, a marvel indeed.  Shirley even has a cemetery for all the pets who've rescued her, with grave markers.   she has never charged a dime to take in any dog, she is one of those marvels of the Universe that God sent to remind humans just how kind people can be. 

this tweet from @MochiFace a connection on twitter caught my eye, and reminded me that most of Shirley's dogs die in her arms of old age, happy, content, and knowing they were loved. 

The Saddest Postcard ever written here it is:

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and if you have a chance, thank @MochiFace for posting it

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Paco Superdog

Paco was no ordinary "rescue" dog.  he was adopted by a small business owner in California, but Paco knew the whole block.  he'd wander into a bar, and hang there a while, then to the barber shop, and snooze a few hours, maybe stray along the sidewalk and talk to strangers.  hey who doesn't love a free meal?  Paco was so mellow, that everybody loved him.  nary a bad bone in his 10 pound body.

with a dog like this around, it just made things a whole lot like they should be:  animals making humans their pets.

so sweet, so loyal, so calm and happy was Paco, till one day..........

and Paco showed what lil 10 pound dogs are made of.  the barber didn't know Paco had it in him.... the patrons of the Bar didn't know he was a hero, they always just thought of him as calm, wonderful Paco.  his owner never knew he could be so tough....

you see folks, humans don't rescue animals...  animals rescue humans from themselves

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Thursday, July 7, 2011


Sounds like the kind of story we hear Jay Leno or Letterman tell as a late night joke;  not happening in our town of course, but somewhere else. 

                                   Man Breaks into Porn Shop 
                      Found Having Sex with Lovely Linda Blow Up Doll

Hey, there's nothing wrong with having a relationship with a blow up doll.  Is there?  In Virginia it's perfectly legal.  It might even be perfectly normal behavior for customers of MVC Late Nite.  The perp,  Little Jim, a Veteranarian and Captain at Ft. Belvoir only broke the law when he committed burglary.  When the police arrived with the canine unit in response to the alarm, the doggy grabbed hold of Little Jim's ankle.  

Fortunately, the dog did not pop Little Jim's date, or puncture her.  That would have deflated the story a bit.  The dog did find Little Jim dressed in ladies panties.

Little Jim, Accused of Loving a Doll

 So far, the annonymous doll has not issued her official statement.

Not wanting to miss an opportunity at a free plug, Jerry Poe, the Manager of MVC  stated:  "Look these items are all very affordable.  Anyone can buy them.  That's why it is a bit odd someone would break in to steal them"

The real story is not the perverted nature of the crime, nor the sad lonely self image one must have to dress in women's panties and have sex with a doll in the closet after breaking into a porn shop.   Nor is the story about  a society or state supposedly conservative where it's legal to  sell blow up sex dolls.   I mean who knew?   Or the possibility of copy cat crimes, now that the populace knows how available these dolls are, could others also start dating blow up dolls, or have sex with them in closets in their spare time? 

Lost on all the news channels was the bravery of that dog.  Going where no mere mortal would tread, that canine cop actually had the guts to grab hold of Little Jims ankle, while he was having his relations in that closet. 

Such valorous deeds are rarely seen.   We owe a debt of gratitude to that pooch for courage in the line of duty.   Considering the facts of this case, Little Jim was found in stolen panties,  in the act.   

And humans say ferrets are fearless.

Original Story in the Washington Post

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Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Off the Cuff

this one's off the cuff 

won't burden you with the details but i rec'd a tweet or two from a self proclaimed "mad person" on twitter to the tune of  "f......  you  sam you should die"  .... 

my offense?  i thought casey anthony was innocent.  you see, i don't believe what i see or hear in the press.  is this wrong? that i don't follow the herd on these matters? i don't think so.  but then again, my uncle freddie has always said: '

     "sammy don't follow the herd, you'll always be sniffing up somebody else's butt"

   but i think there is a larger lesson here.   i think what happened in this case is pretty simple:

   three years ago when the story broke, it became a media firestorm, and i think the Prosecutor's office pursued this case out of media pressure  .... 

   i instinctively saw and understood this.  i thought to myself,  "what if she didn't do it?  what other explanations could have come into play here?"  i had to mask myself from what i saw and heard, and ask myself plainly.  "what if it was a situation where her family is dysfunctional, and she really didn't do it, would the State of Florida still indict this person?"  and they did.

    and the State of Florida got what it got.

    the press is not going to delve into this subject matter very deeply because all of the journalists employed in this case WERE WRONG!!   they have to eat crow, and admit they had Ms. Anthony pegged as guilty and they were wrong. 

     so you can hope i die,  hope i rot, and curse me out.  but  it was the media that didn't deliver the verdict you hoped for.  shoot them, they were the one's who promised you a guilty verdict.  not lil ol me.