I have found pet humans to be quite entertaining if they can't find a way to lower the volume. We were at an important pet human meeting a couple of weeks ago which conflicted at that very moment, with Scooby Doo on Cartoon Network. One of my favorites!! I cranked up the volume, and voila'
That was the end of that meeting.
Today, I found myself in da therapist's office for what is called: “family counseling” wif my pet human. Not as spiffy as my therapist's office, but not bad. I kept my eye on da tv remote on her sofa armrest, in case I wanted to nibble the mute button.
The therapist to pet human: “We've covered this before. You and Sammy should not go shopping together. Are ferrets even allowed in stores?”
Pet Human: “They make exceptions for Sam”
Yea, right. The pet human likes an audience. I ham it up for the cashiers.
Therapist: “There was that time he talked you into cornering the market on Pop Tarts, and you overdrew your bank account, and I had to calm you down over the phone”
The tv remote was looking mighty good. I knew I wuz missing re runs of Sienfeld.
Pet Human: “He convinced me that we would get rich, you know, supply and demand.”
Therapist: “Or the time he influenced you to buy all the plastic spoons, because he likes to play with them, and you realized you really can't do anything with a closet full of plastic spoons”
The therapist saw me looking toward the TV remote, probably confused that I was paying her rapt attention.
Pet Human: “I can't eat ice cream with them, they break off in the carton, but they work once it softens up a bit”
I couldn't believe these two. The dog and cat aren't forced to endure such madness.
Human: “He conned me into it this time. I said I was going to 7-11, and he jumped in the car, and threatened to crawl into the back, and I'd never find him”
Therapist: “You need to establish boundaries with Sam”
This was the part where Cramer talks Jerry into peeing in the parking lot, they couldn't find the car, and Jerry get's belayed by Security. I knew I was missing it.
Human: “Then somehow, he urged me toward the grocer instead of 7-11”
Therapist: “It would also help if you set a budget before you leave the house”
I wiggled into the therapist's lap, gave her a snuggle, she responded with a noticeable, albeit small smirk, almost a smile, a very small one.
Ascentmindedly, she stroked my white fur, gently, as I eyed the remote.
Human: “And when we got there, he just kept saying: 'dat one, dat one, dat one' in a very insistent tone”
Therapist: “We all want to take care of those we love” she was now on my side, some therapist.
So I snagged the TV remote, without too much fuss, and lept off the sofa arm.
Human: “And he wouldn't stop. 'Dat one. Dat one....and dat one' we had three cartloads of stuff, I don't even know what half of it is. I just bought it. It's like he's got mind control tricks”
I found Seinfeld, and cranked up the volume.
Startled, the Therapist thought she could get the remote handily. Instead, I knawed off the volume, and mute buttons for good measure.
That ended the family counseling session. So much for boundaries.
Oh. Cramer, Jerry and Elaine found the car.
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