"i'm filling out my application for Ferret PlayGirl..." i tweeted ~ fishing for feedback.
when i received a most inexplicably remarkable unfathomable tweet from a critter what called hisself sam da ferret.
"I am Sam Jr the bastard offspring of Samuel_Clemons the ferret and a proud new owner of a GI Joe Hummer on weekends"
"i was astounded, perplexed, and speechless, if that is possible.
i'd never get into Ferret Playgirl Magazine, my reputation would be ruined, i went into a fit of depression for a few days, and pondered how to handle this twist of events. the details are written about in an earlier blog post; enjoy yourself looking for the story. i set out to determine the validity of the claim, and uncle freddie offered to help. never did i expect it to take 4 months for his network of critters to do his bidding.
uncle freddie finally called yesterday, but i've been so busy, i couldn't post anything: "sammy, is that you?"
"hey uncle freddie, i'm glad you....."
"don't be a moron. sammy, i have the birth certificate, and i'll fax it right over, do what you want with it"
and he hung up.
looks pretty legit to me
Does not look legit to me at all, but than again, I am suspicious by nature.
ReplyDeleteAs your Twitter Attorney, I advise you to hold off on sending any pup support checks until you get a verified copy from the Public Health Dept., a paternity test conducted by a neutral third party, and an official court order for said pup support. Removing 3 poptarts from retainer account. You'll get my invoice. Good luck with this one, Sammy.
ReplyDeleteLooks like it was the work of rank amateurs. Possibly even drawn up by the young one himself. You ferrets are pretty shrewd, Sam, I wouldn't put it past the little one to have fabricated the entire story, AND said documentation. LD
ReplyDeleteK - i think you attorneys are always sceptical~doesn't it say: "all legal and stuff" ?? maybe we ferrets tend to be too trusting ~ and if you are correct, uncle freddie could have made the whole thing up, he seemed to get off the phone awful quick. mmmm ponders
ReplyDeleteL - you can go back to your slacking now, since when do you comment on humor, shouldn't you be leaving comments on some madison avenue ad agency's blog? or something.. well maybe it was fabricated... his name is "faux ferret" whatever that means...
What does "faux ferret" mean? Well, faux fur is actually dog fur so perhaps a faux ferret is just stuffed, decorated dog fur.
ReplyDelete*salutes crisply* Sir! Strongly suggest DNA testing! Sir! *settles back into beach chair, sips mojito, passes out*
ReplyDeleteLegit or illegit... sammy has been caught napping .. i would burn it just to see if the ink turns pink..just as the dollar ink turns blue.. @vikkp
ReplyDeleteI would like to add my "2" or "3" cents worth here! Do U C the fluffy-ness of my comment ? It is because of the proper use of punctuation U idiots. Read it and Learn. Do Not "use" excessive "punctuation" this is as important if mot "MoRe" so then spelling. I am Spent. Peace Out . BTW ferrets R Not Rats that's a Rumor People.
ReplyDeletei dont use much punctuation when i write... first i could care less... second, i write all day for a living, so this blog is pure entertainment, and i try to make it look as unusual and laid back as possible, wet cloud. third and probably most important, since the last two explanations were overtly lame, my widdle paws can't reach the shift key... as the commenters? well it is widely known through the ferretverse that we do not encourage punctuation, or for that matter even good spelling on ferret blogs. we find this would require a much higher degree of education that we are looking for in our audience. i don't think higher species like dogs can spell very well, neither do cats, and the occasional squirrel might venture by here and leave a comment,and there is simply no way in Hades a squirrel knows how to spell anything other than food, and half of them spell it FUDE... so spelling is out. Since spelling is out, there is also no question that punctuation should be required. i mean look at you, wet cloud... you are a mist, an evaporative gassy concept that inhabits the upper spheres of terra, and according to some astronomers, maybe some outerlying planets, and far off earth wanna be's in the galaxy. you are not expected to use punctuation, you could get all fluffy up in here, and nobody would notice, but you that you bring it up. we all duly note your fluffiness, and your capital letters. we appreciate that you can extend your mist to the shift key better than i can. but can you nap 20 hours a day and get away with it? can you fill out an application to Ferret PlayGirl Mag Rag? no. we all have our strengths and weaknesses.
ReplyDeleteon the offhand chance an actual human stops by, well they can use all that lofty punctuation and good grammar that they want... it's not going to make any difference. they're still just humans, and well...
that's all they'll ever be.
have patience with them wet cloud, and tolerate them. that's all i ask... you cute little vapor you.
i have to attend the twin masseuses, they beckon by text... that means they're impatient.
Col Sir Samuel Zeus Clemons Tweets at @Samuel_Clemons
Thank you oOo thankyouuuu. Ahh I dab my eyes I change my panties. U R so beautiful 2 me. I hearts forever. Smoochies furry friend. SnuggliesHuggliesPiggelies2
ReplyDeletekat