Tuesday, April 3, 2012

He Panicked

"sammy, i did it, i pressed the panic button"

"panic button?  that is a literary device or verbal expression, Uncle Freddie.  it doesn't really exist."

"oh, yes it does.  they are real"

"i'm just having my coffee, Fred, come on!" i whined, "hazelnut, wif a touch o' cinnamon. can you call me back later?"

"I AM TELLING YOU THERE IS A REAL PANIC BUTTON!!" he yelled into the phone. "hold one sec, Sammy, my boy, the cops are here"

i heard an authoritarian voice in the background, "we would have gotten here sooner, but my partner had to finish his coffee... vanilla bean with a couple shots  of caramel.  what seems to be the problem?" apparently, Uncle Freddie didn't bother to cover the mouthpiece of his iPhone

"i was on my way to the Corcoran.  i'm meeting a lady there, and i forgot to stop and get a morning sip o' coffee" said Uncle Freddie.

Corcoran DC No Art Had Coffee Spilled on it in the writing of this blog

"you pressed the Panic Button for this?" said the Policeman, "we were busy, ah...we were on an assignment..." he backtracked "are you a tourist?"

"tourist? i own dis town!" Uncle Freddie indignantly declared

"Sir, the Taxi Panic Button is NOT, i repeat NOT for us to deliver your coffee!" said the cop, pausing, then, "hey Larry, this guy pressed the panic button because he wanted coffee" apparently talking to his partner.

in the background, "i don't blame him" the voice approached "what flavor do you fancy, sir?" now this new voice entered the fray

"chocolate mocha, wif whipped, and a just a  pinch o' sugar, my vice of course" said Freddie

Larry, the partner could be heard to say "mmmm, that sounds delish. i'll have to try that"

"Uncle Freddie, there is a panic button in the Cab? this wasn't a joke?"

"no, Sammy.  it took the cops a while to show up, but at least it works.  i wanted to be one of the first to test it.  i love this" said Freddie  (article)

"well, try to keep your alerts for the cops, and don't bother me with the details, please?" i said. 

finally speaking up, the cabby,  broke in with: "what do i do?" supplicating to the cops for advice, directions, or permission to proceed

i heard the first cop ask the cabby, before i hung up: "what kind of coffee do you drink?"   


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  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. No coffee seems like a perfectly reasonable reason to panic. Can I have a peppermint mocha panic button installed in my kitchen?


    Typo on my first comment, I had to remove it.

  3. Sammy, Ima having trouble being nice today.... sooo um um uh womanizing Uncle Freddie likes to arrange to meet a certain lady at the art place (cuz it looks really highbrow & sophisticated of him to do so)~ is in such a hurry to get there, forgets his morning coffee which he needs, finds a panic button in the taxi, (are the panic buttons in DC taxis kind of a new thing happening?) and makes the DC cops his personal coffee concierges????
    * * *
    And then Uncle Freddie is rewarded with his coffee, the cab driver too and nobody goes to jail? Shaking my head, Uncle Freddie lives a 'charmed life' and I hope he puts out a 'life course' of his own soon. I really need to learn how to do all this Uncle Freddie stuff! Winning! Uncle Freddie is winning. Charlie Sheen is clueless compared to Uncle Freddie about what winning is! I'm @grammakaye on twitter.

  4. Ima missed what that (article) in blue meant Sammy! & yes we can't choose our relatives for sure and I know I eyebrow raise and sometimes judge Uncle Freddie, but Ima sure he does have some positive and endearing qualites (uh, err I sure hope so).

  5. Not a bad way to panic, though! Thanks for the grins today, Sammy! :))


  6. Lol. I've never heard of a panic button in a cab. But I'm with your Uncle Freddie. I own that town. That's MY Pentagon, MY Capitol Hill, MY White House, etc. .... Too bad our government has forgotten that. Thanks for the story, and for educating me about the cabs. :)

  7. You know I cant believe that he had to take a cab to get coffee... in NYC their is a coffee shoppe on every block... I dont know about Wahington D.C. but I am sure those politicians have to sober up... daily

  8. You always make me smile. :)