Friday, May 18, 2012

fake girlfriend troubles



i'd skipped out on dat lady therapist a few weeks back without paying; after she talked me down from my mania.  being text dumped is no laughing manner.  i know you're probably chuckling - sure it was a faux girlfriend, and i was offering my services as purely a literary device.   frankly, i think the pet human dumped me off at the therapist's office so it could get some shopping done without me.  it thinks i am the cause of spending sprees.     i quickly found another faux gal.  back in the saddle, i  could offer facebook posts, maybe send a flirtatious tweet, get her real boyfriend jealous 

it was all working out perfectly, until.................

   
i shouldn't have given the therapist her phone number as a reference

rodent indeed
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Posted by Samuel_Clemons at 7:26 PM

17 comments:

  1. ResultsRMixedMay 19, 2012 at 7:58 AM

    Funny! Where'd you get the video/actress? Great Stuff, as always Sammy! Famous Playboy Ferret.

    I will give you credit for carrying your themes throughout. The links are just as funny as the posts. I just read through them again, they make me laugh. Where's the one where you cornered the Pop Tart market? I recall that one was really good.

    Einschtien @ResultsRmixed

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    1. Samuel_ClemonsMay 19, 2012 at 9:03 PM

      one must remain consitent when dealing wif da faux services....maybe someone might actually need it

      Delete
  2. LeslieMay 19, 2012 at 9:39 AM

    The squeaky cell phone voice reminds me of the wah-wah voice on Charlie Brown. Adults and therapists just don't make sense.

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    1. Samuel_ClemonsMay 19, 2012 at 9:08 PM

      really? i thought it sounded like one of those 60's sitcoms voices on the other end of the line.... at least that is what the script called for...

      no, adults aren't therapists, and therapists aren't adults. and a real therapist would never call up a fake g/f and tell her I owed money and, and... well come to think of it, what am i doing meeting you, a gorgeous chick in here??? someone might see me, and the next thing you know, i'm being run out of my own blog for even talking to you!! OMG!! I gotta go!!!

      oh the sacrifice of realism for entertainment

      Delete
  3. LeslieMay 19, 2012 at 9:39 AM

    Oh and by the way I'm @lesliehedrick

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    1. Samuel_ClemonsMay 19, 2012 at 9:10 PM

      i had no doubts

      and i are Sir Samuel Zeuz Clemons the Swashbuckling Pirate Wizard o' da High Seas, Sexiest Ferret on Da Planet, Voted Most Likely to Overthrow Same, Ruler of da Universe, and Multi Slacker Napper/Snacker Sock Thief Extraordinaire... (my paws are achin' from hittin' da shift keys, i hate formal titles)

      Delete
  4. SueTandTMay 19, 2012 at 4:11 PM

    Scary Sammy very scary; da lady has all the attributes of a bunny boiler one can only be grateful your an awesome ferret! I had hoped your meet & greet tour up the Ucayali would distract you...sadly not the case. I did encounter a rat in my swimming pool last week; but frankly it wasn't very civilized. Have you considered da monastic life? Just remember the benefits of faith & fortitude. @SueTandT

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    1. Samuel_ClemonsMay 19, 2012 at 9:20 PM

      i kept thinking you meant Ucalele, the instrument that Tiny Tim Played but for which if spelled wrong, spell check tries to correct with apparently it's closest reference, Caligula, the neurotic "people's emperor" of ancient rome who built the boats on the lake, short of that, it also delivers "Upscale" neither of them were what you were referring to, i am sure... thus and upon second or third examination, i realised you meant the river.

      i did in fact go up a river, and found the lost tribes of the Delta, but I am sure you are aware of that story, and many others i have rendered here for posterity while pet humans are lounging on their posteriors.

      had i been invited up the river, i could have gone thru the flower pot, and been there in a jif, there is no doubt of that. having superpowers, and being a pirate wizard has it's benefits.

      Delete
  5. SueTandTMay 19, 2012 at 4:11 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  6. ProNetworkBuildMay 19, 2012 at 8:42 PM

    Stunning Visuals. Well done!!

    I Tweet at @PronetworkBuild

    Yea, maybe you should start courting some real chicks.

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    1. Samuel_ClemonsMay 19, 2012 at 9:21 PM

      oh yea, the invites are pouring in left and right.

      Delete
  7. SexyJeansMay 19, 2012 at 9:00 PM

    So very much able to be the butt of the joke, and pull it off with no guile, and no sense of feeling awkward. I have been doing like you told me- trying to poke fun at myself. It's harder to do at some times than at others. But the more I do it, the better it feels. I have been laughing more, and that was all the point wasn't it? and it makes it easier to find funny things too. You were right. That laughing at ourselves is a spiritual force, Sam. You do know that people pay more attention to you than you give yourself credit for.

    I just think that the world needs more insightful people like you. I do not know how you juggle all the things you do, and still take the time to make people laugh. Please don't stop, and please never stop being an inspiration.

    How you could come up with this entire routine is very very creative. I just want to say thankyou very much for being you.

    @SexyJeans

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    1. Samuel_ClemonsMay 19, 2012 at 9:25 PM

      one cannot disagree with such a wonderful comment. i do not know where all that came from, Jean, but that was a very nice thing to say and stop by and be so kind to one as rascally and mischievous as i. you can stop by more often if you like, i do not bite. well, i nibble a bit, but we all have our lil idiosyncrasies don't we?

      Delete
  8. UnknownMay 20, 2012 at 2:41 AM

    Awwww Sammy Sam Sam, and you prolly thought we pet humans get into some wing fang dang fal de rah zz ~ mmmmm huh ~ me thinks I know a certain ferret ...... luv ya I'm @grammakaye on twitter.

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  9. Piper BayardMay 21, 2012 at 7:40 PM

    LMAO!

    You really ticked her off, but calling you a weasel? That was just low.

    @piperbayard

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  10. cathy jonesJune 2, 2012 at 6:01 PM

    I'm speechless...with laughter.

    I need another glass of blueberry wine.

    You made my day. :D
    I twitter away, night and day @jonesbabie

    ReplyDelete
  11. EddieJune 25, 2012 at 3:14 AM

    You brave!

    ReplyDelete

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