Saturday, June 4, 2011

friends are priceless

prologue:  the beautific wood elf @ouchdammit had reconnoitred the path, clandestinely assuring us of safe passage to our destination.

harriet old beyond years innumerable, bigfoot who's only thing in common with hairret was his hair, and myself made a motley crew indeed.   size 24  lumbering along with his lengthy stride, me perched on harriet's head; both of them chattering away:

"i say we give em a good scare and  bum's rush 'em" said harriet.  although from virginia, for whatever reasons she spoke with a hackneyed accent.  in another life, i think she tried out for 101 Dalmatians but they gave the part to another horse.  harriet didn't do much, she mostly stared off into space.  i coaxed her out of the barn with promises of an adventure.

the infamous harriet, retired. withdrawn

size 24:  "i've been scaring critters and humans enough, harriet, my PR guru here says i need to improve my image."
size 24 afraid to scare someone my best bud

"i'll decide when we get there, and both of you need to focus on the trees and quit jabbering."   i half expected an acorn shot to my head any second from the squirrel clan. 

as i rode, i couldn't help but think i looked quite dashing in my colonels helmet, my micro headset from Japan cavalierly dangling round my neck.


the fat squirrel was porking away on a delicacy, as usual, when he saw me approach, barely giving away any astonishment.  frankly, i don't think he'd lose his morsel for any surprise.  he looked more like a groundhog or woodchuck than a squirrel.  he must tax the whole woods, could hardly walk.  cheek full of chewed acorn, a bit dribbled down his jowl as he spoke:

"if it aint the self styled colonel of the ferret militia... what brings you here, sammy ol boy" ...  contempt oozing from his lips, as the nut particles sprayed.

"your niece is galavanting around with my uncle freddie and the two make a pair i must say.  she's talking of marriage, and i know it's never been done.  a squirrel and a ferret,  we've got to stop this."  i'd half suspected this was a plot to get to the family fortune. 

"how'd you get here anyway?  my lookouts and scouts didn't make a peep.  i haven't heard so much as a warning plunk off that helmet of yours sam."

"don't change the subject,  you fat porker...I have my ways of creeping through the woods.  it's bad enough i have to come parlay with ya..."

a hoof  pawed the ground.  a snort.  then a rukus and commotion  ensued as the sound of branches snapped,  as harriet released her energy and raw power  and came thundering into the clearing ~ size 24 stayed back ~  her display was remarkable, i'll give her that.

fatso was round eyed, astonished and understood immediately why his scouts had remained silent.  they had run and were hidden at the site of harriet, big foot and myself stealing through their turf.   acceptance and shock at once settled over him.

"enough talk" said harriet as she scooped me up with one motion, airward i went, to plunk comfortably between her ears.  "enough.  sam says do something about your niece.  are you clear on this?"

he shook his head yes, as she spun around and gave a demonstration that we didn't know she had in her, she galloped again!!  harriet ran,  more like charged out of that woodsy clearing with me hanging on to her ears for dear life, grinning as the air blew past my fur, and the freedom of running pulsed through her was transferred to me and i felt like i was upon the most brilliant steed in any race before or since.  oh the delight to be upon harriet and her just showing off was pure heaven.

she blew past astonished sized 24 and ducked her head on the low hanging branches, careful not to knock me off....   "that oughta give em something to think about sammy..."

indeed.  and you should never underestimate an old nag when she get's her dander up.


Some Companion pieces to this story you might also like:

story is dedicated to all the harriets who still have life left to surprise even their staunchest friends.  to @falloutgrrl and doc who take care of hurt animals so they can scare squirrels again, and of course to my best bud, Big Foot,  afraid he might scare somebody.  it's ok size 24, i know you've got a heart of gold and are a friend to us all.

hit the google "PLUS 1" Button Below, and Let's try out the new technology.  Thanks!


  1. Sam, how I can identify with aging harriet ~ have mercy we vintage need to stick together, that is for sure! The one that needs worked on in all this is that Uncle Freddie, bettcha dollars to donuts he is quite a player & the squirrel niece is prolly quite a bit younger. I suppose Uncle Freddie will soon be president of the DOF (dirty old ferret) club & exude great pride & ego gratification about it all.
    * * *
    Now my first attempt at Google Plus 1 button skeered me (new technology never previously done by me always skeers me). Now going to take a deep breath & try to do this once again.
    * * *
    HUGZZ Sammy & oh by the way is Aunt Kaye, Uncle Freddie's ex or his sister?????

  2. And the Harriets of this world thank YOU, Sam. Without friends like you and your adventurous nature, they would lack the motivation required to let that flame flicker again.

  3. Dear Sammy, I just went through every hoop to make a Google Profile so I could +1 you except the final one & I aborted my attempt. I am angry with Google. The last & I think final step was for them for the protection of their users was to either allow them to send a verification code text to a mobile phone or give them my phone number so they can make an automated call with the verification code. But what about my protection, sure I read their privacy statement & accepted, sure they are a big organization...but I have a problem that someone somewhere (oldladyitis paranoia) would have my phone number & possibly someone who would be 'lot less than safe' could access it. Having had a truly bad experience with cyber stalkers when I was new to the internet that didn't resolve for 18 months...I am skewed negative about doing this. I wasn't deserving of their (these stalkers) lavish attentions in any way & it took that long to get it busted up and gone. I do love ya and I do care to read what you write!
    * * *
    P.S. Smarmy, sarcastic US Marshal Mary on In Plain Sight (USA) seems to be influencing me additionally. Her dialogue gives great life lessons!

  4. Lol. Good old Harriet! I thought she WAS the horse in 101 Dalmations. Hope that disgusting squirrel gets his tramp niece in line soon, Sammy. That whole thing with Uncle Freddie is just messed up. But you know how those squirrel vixens are with their squirrelly tricks.

  5. awe cut story friend, bravo...

  6. Gramma Kaye, Google is not going to do anything w your phone number. They are just making sure people don't register too many names. Someone can game the system by opening up 100 google accounts, then go rate their husband's business and push it to the top of the search engines and get unfair favorable ratings.. so they have their system, one account per phone number. That is about as nefarious as this gets.

    I do admire your persistence in trying.

  7. well my +1 failed the other day as well as my comment...don't you just love Google :D

    Go easy on uncle freddie, I have a soft spot for the old geezers...

    ...and I'm off nuts for life after reading about that masticating squirrel...

    ...touching story sammy can't wait to hear the sequel....
    ~cath xo
    Twitter @jonesbabie

  8. I just tweeted this to you, but I thought you would like a copy here as well, for prosperity sake and such.

    (I corrected a small mistake I made in the tweet; I called Fat Porker old! Maybe that wasn't a mistake, but a guided in<strike>sult</strike>sight.)

    @Samuel_Clemons :O Fat Porker is the uncle of the squirrel dating your Uncle Freddie? Wait, that could make you ... wait ... wait ...

    Sammy, you have to do something about your Uncle Freddie. cath is right; the old geezer needs help, but he has to get away from the vixen squirrel.

    Twitter: @stefras