Tuesday, March 29, 2011

fake girlfriends

social media is revolutionising our lives alright.  it's even gotten so bad that you can go to a site and commit adultery.  now, just this morning, i found another one. to wit:
saw this tweet  by:  My_Face_Book
Fake girlfriends for lonely Facebook users http://nxy.in/bny1w [Terms]

   I refuse to miss out on this opportunity to expand my services on Twitter, so here's my new advertisement:


ARE YOU LONELY? HAVE NO FRIENDS? FEELING LIKE A LOSER?  Well even if you are a loser, you don't have to suffer any longer.  You just need to project a confident image.

if you sign up,  i will poke you on facebook, post smarm on your Wall, and make all your friends jealous on Twitter.

this latest service will make everyone jealous of how popular you are on Twitter and Facebook. that girl that turned you down? threw her drink on you? ladies is there a man out there that snubbed you?

your  friends will be envious that you have such a dedicated host of critters following your every move; you'll be the talk of the town.  ladies? having trouble getting cyber sex from your old high school crush on Facebook?  well no more.  when he sees all the attention you are getting, he'll type something on your wall that will really change your life.

men no need for an expensive russian or columbian mail order bride!  once they get their papers, they turn into manic, bipolar bloodsuckers anyway...  how miserable is that.  i have the solution.

you'll be able to brag to all your friends that you have lots of ferret lovin!

now granted, some people may question your sanity at first, but after they see the power and audacity of cute, they'll be wantin' some a what you got!


sign up now, and we'll even throw in a couple of soft porn postings, things like:

    "hey baby, wanna snuggle wit me..?"

    "can i touch your wiggle..?"

    "come on over to my burrow baby, and let's take a nap.."


    if you are truly feeling adventurous, i'll add some heavy drama for no extra charge.  if you sign up now,  i'll even type something on the jealous party's wall, and create some real fireworks!

     "we snuggled all night, and it was the best; you don't know what you're missing..."

     or,  "i was dancing so hard last night, we had to take a nap.."

   DON'T WAIT!  Tired of not having any friends on Facebook or Twitter?   Sign up with confidence, nobody will ever think you are a loner again.  Act now, my widdle paws can only type so fast.  Space is Limited.

follow sam on twitter at http://twitter.com/samuel_clemons

how i got text dumped by a faux girlfriend

fake girlfriend troubles

how shopping got me into family counseling

Use eJunkie to Sell Your Books Online
E-junkie Shopping Cart and Digital Delivery

Monday, March 28, 2011

no cease fire

i've been busy lately, meetings with the squirrels have taken some time.  negotiating a peace settlement with those critters was difficult.  i sat there with a serious expression on my face, and watched the clock.  i knew i had an important session with my masseuse, she was supposed to wear the hot nurse outfit, and as the minutes turned into hours, and hoursintodaysintoweeks i realized that the squirrels probably had no intentions of ever shutting up.

they played me.  it was all on my dime, the food, the drinks, the hospitality.  my charm and generosity were, if i might say so, unlimited.  i figured i'd treat them well, and the cease fire might lead somewhere.

so i have come to this blog post with a heavy heart.  only by the hardest have i come to the conclusion that the squirrels are not interested in making peace.  the leader, a quite large rotund porker even heckles me with his mouth full. he was in it for the nuts.  i could have sworn i was making a deal with java the hut dressed as henry the viii.  in place of a turkey leg, picture two paws each with a juicy freshly cracked walnut.

disgusting.  fatso  just wanted me to keep buying walnuts, bird seed, and planter's mix until his crew  got fattened up.   thus,  i am sure he'll order another attack, and probably call in a coalition of woodpeckers and barking dogs.

                                     you can't negotiate with a squirrel.

Some Companion pieces to this story you might also like:


Use eJunkie to Help You Sell Your Book Online
E-junkie Shopping Cart and Digital Delivery

Saturday, March 26, 2011

royal wedding for dummies

well it is official: i have renamed saturday. "sam, you can't go around renaming days. if you do this, where will it end?" that just in from one of my detractors, mary.

me: mary, i have nothing against tractors.

It is already tomorrow in Australia. Charles M. Schulz  

since somebody reminded me this morning, when i put #FF in front of a tweet, "sam, it's saturday" which implied of course that i can't put follow friday in front of a tweet unless it's friday. but what about the people in australia, like @fanofrob or my personal photog chick, @penelopephoto ?

my logic dictates, nay mandates that i rename saturday after myself, and shall be and is hereby called SamDay.

now that we have that out of the way, i have some new reading material about royal decrees, and mandates:

                                       Royal Wedding for Dummies.
The Royal Wedding For Dummies

who could resist this? it's got Kate and that Goofball on the cover. americans are rather odd Anglophiles, ever since the brits tried to burn Washington, DC in the war of 1812 we've been enamored of them. we love our brits.... my smarmy editor friend @DirtyGarnet is from across the pond, and half my timeline is from there.... and i'm always issuing decrees like a tweet a few minutes ago... "I am renaming Saturday to SamDay... That is all."

what was amazing is that nobody even disagreed.


follow sam on Twitter at http://twitter.com/samuel_clemons

Page Sponsor:  Grow Your Twitter Following, Read: http://pronetworkbuild.blogspot.com/p/twitter-tips.html


Don't Wait for a "Publisher"
Sell Your Book Online Now
Use eJunky Platform
E-junkie Shopping Cart and Digital Delivery

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

mickey hops a train

From Follower:  @ircarter

From BBC News No Copyright

A ferret has been rescued from an Edinburgh station after apparently getting off a train from London.

The male ferret, named Mickey by animal welfare officers, was found at Haymarket train station on Monday.

He appeared on platform four at about 1900 GMT when the train from London was in the station.
Staff Have Named the Ferret Mickey

Staff managed to catch the ferret, which is now being cared for by the Scottish SPCA. The animal charity is urging his owner to come forward.

Insp Jenny Scott, of the Scottish SPCA, said: "When I arrived to collect the ferret, the staff had managed to catch him and put him in a box.

"We're not sure if he has escaped from someone's house nearby or if he has ventured further and travelled all the way from England on the train.

"He's very friendly so he is obviously someone's pet.

"We'd love to return him to his owner as I'm sure they'll be missing him a lot."

The ferret is now being cared for at the charity's animal rescue and rehoming centre in Balerno.
end of article

sam, editor's note: i think mickey was tryin' to find his poptart wrappers 

go to top of sam's blog to see all of sam's posts
return to twitter or follow sam on twitter


Have a Product, Book?
Sell it Online, Fast Easy
Use eJunky
E-junkie Shopping Cart and Digital Delivery

Monday, March 21, 2011

the meaning of life

the meaning of life


Do You Have a Book to Sell?
Product or Service?
Use eJunky The Fastest Way
to Set up and Sell Something On Your Blog
E-junkie Shopping Cart and Digital Delivery

Saturday, March 19, 2011

full moon ferret

excerted from all about ferrets copyright 2011

 Shamanism ~ Ferret, Power Animal, Symbol of Keen Observation
by Ina Woolcott 

Ferrets are members of the weasel family. Their medicine includes stealth, cunning, skilful hunters, cleverness, ingenuity, revenge, keen observation, ability to see hidden reasons behind things.

Archaeological and historical sources suggest that ferrets have been domesticated for 2,500 years at least. Greek historians give reference to the ferret about 450 BC. Roman documents refer to the use of ferrets to hunt rabbits around the time of Christ.

(editor's note:  some other archaeological and anecdotal evidence suggests the egyptians and ferrets got along some 1500 years before either the cat or dog were domesticated...  see my blog post on laughter)

Very skilful tunnel hunters, it is believed ferrets were used by the Egyptians as well as farmers and seafarers to get rid of rodents in barns and on ships. However, the history of the ferrets domestication is speculative, without any concrete evidence, giving this small animal an ellusive air.

Ferrets are cheerful, playful animals with the inquisitiveness of the raccoon and the amiableness of a kitten. They are also opportunists, quick to take advantage and will filch anything they can drag to a safe hiding place to be used at a later time. Brainy and cunning the ferret shows us how to use our creativeness to build a safe haven for ourselves, and to stock up with things that may be needed - always be ready for any situation that may come into existence. The ferret is a good, helping ally to have around in hard time.

russian folklore about the ferret

When Genghis Khan’s “Golden Horde”, the descendants of his Tartars, turned
their eyes towards northern Russia, they met with an unexpected

Fifteen year old wizard Volga Vseslavich decided to challenge the Tartars with
an army of barely 7000. First Volga turned himself into a ram to go
through the mountains undetected. When he neared Khan’s fortress, he
became a small bird and flew to the window sill of Khan’s bed chamber.

He heard Khan’s wife tell her husband of a dream she had where a small
Northern bird slew a Southern raven. She recognized the small bird in
her dream as a wizard and begged her husband not to attack the north. As
Khan laughed at his wife, Volga changed into a ferret, and entering
the armory, chewed through the arrows and bow strings. He then entered
the stables as a wolf and killed the horses of Khan’s army.

Volga then flew back to his army as a swift falcon. Marching his army from
Kiev, he changed them all into ants as they neared Khan’s palace. The
sentries therefore, saw nothing, until Volga’s soldiers were
retransformed into men, right at the gates. With no warning, weapons, or
horses, Khan’s army was defeated.

now, in honor of the "big moon" i will turn into a wereferret and take everyone's socks.


Sell Your Book NOW! No Waiting for a Publisher!
Use eJunky to Sell Books, Products, All Set Up for You.
E-junkie Shopping Cart and Digital Delivery

Friday, March 18, 2011

ben franklin on wind

if you have stayed up this late, you deserve something both historical and laughable.  so before leno, before even television or that obnoxious kid in 5th grade who loved to pass gas, remember, there was ben.  

benjamin franklin, thought the european scientists were a bit too stuffy, so he wrote a letter to a friend, and that letter has been commonly referred to as "Fart Proudly"...

"I have perused your late mathematical Prize Question, proposed in lieu of one in Natural Philosophy, for the ensuing year...Permit me then humbly to propose one of that sort for your consideration, and through you, if you approve it, for the serious Enquiry of learned Physicians, Chemists, &c. of this enlightened Age. It is universally well known, That in digesting our common Food, there is created or produced in the Bowels of human Creatures, a great Quantity of Wind. That the permitting this Air to escape and mix with the Atmosphere, is usually offensive to the Company, from the fetid Smell that accompanies it. That all well-bred People therefore, to avoid giving such Offence, forcibly restrain the Efforts of Nature to discharge that Wind."

traditionally kept out of his "official papers" by historians, written in 1781, the work has been reproduced under the title "fart proudly".


return to twitter or follow sam on twitter
top of blog see all of sam's posts


Sell Your Book or Product NOW!

E-junkie Shopping Cart and Digital Delivery

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

drunkest i ever got

trending topic on twitter:  #drunkestievergot  ...  now, having practiced ferret wordsmithery for a bit, i thought to myself, i said, "self,  drunkest is not a word..."   so i did me a bit a lookin' up and found quite a few cinnamons for drunk: 

- besotted [archaic], blind drunk, blotto, crocked [N. Amer], cockeyed, fuddled, loaded [N. Amer], pie-eyed, pixilated, plastered, slopped, sloshed, smashed, soaked, soused, sozzled, squiffy, stiff, tight, wet, trashed, pickled, bombed, legless [Brit], liquored up [N. Amer], stewed, juiced [N. Amer], wasted, three sheets to the wind, tanked up, hammered, trolleyed [Brit], fried [N. Amer], bladdered [Brit], stinko, blitzed, out of it [Brit], stonkered [Austral, NZ], steaming, mullered [Brit], lit, paralytic [Brit], bevvied [Brit], pixillated, squiffed, half-seas-over [Brit]

all being quite funny, yes, but not really usage of the word drunkest... so i found this:

Lexicographical Neighbors of Drunkest

drunken reveler
drunken reveller
drunken revelry
drunkest (current term)

Literary usage of Drunkest

Below you will find example usage of this term as found in modern and/or classical literature:
1. Biennial Report by California Dept. of Agriculture, California State Commission of Horticulture (1907)
"America Now Has the Distinction of Having the drunkest Army in the World, ... The United States Army is the drunkest in the world, according to figures ..."

2. Tahiti Days by Hector Macquarrie (1920)
"The youngest and the drunkest was sixteen. She gabbled in Tahitian, French and English, and finally shrieked for water. " Gimme warter— gimme warter," she ..."

3. Journal of the Senate of Minnesota Sitting as a High Court of Impeachment ...by Eugene St. Julien Cox, Minnesota Legislature Senate by Eugene St. Julien Cox, Minnesota Legislature Senate (1882)
"A. When the jury came in that night, he was the drunkest I eve saw him in court, and the drunkest I ever saw him at any time; he wi extremely drunk. ..."

4. Library of the World's Best Literature: Ancient and Modern by Edward Cornelius Towne (1897)
"Prince Henry — O villain! thy lips are scarce wiped since thou drunkest last. Falstaff—All's one for that. [He drinks.] A plague of all cowards, ..."

5. The Freudian Wish and Its Place in Ethics by Edwin Bissell Holt (1915)
"When drunkest he babbles o' green fields, and blubbers, " See that my grave's kept green." A third way is no better. It is the way of those who undertake to ..."

and then it dawnned on me, what was bothering me, was not the word itself, or it's existence, but it was the usage .  i simply did not like the context here:   #drunkestievergot 

it should be "most drunk"  ....   i'm gonna have to get grammar girl on this.

what do you think?  do you think  #drunkestievergot was good grammar, bad grammar, or completely beside the point?   or maybe you want to comment on the Most Drunk You've Ever Gotten?

return to twitter or follow sam on twitter  http://twitter.com/samuel_clemons
go to top of blog so you can see all of sam's posts


Wanna Sell a Book or Product NOW?
Use eJunky. Fastest Way to Sell
E-junkie Shopping Cart and Digital Delivery

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

my purpose in life

seems there is a baby ant eater at the national zoo..  the article asks if we need a purpose in life ~ and in case you don't? well you can spend it naming the new baby.... no i'm not kidding the article says you can find your purpose by naming this baby ant eater here it is, let me see... oh.. right here: http://www.nbcwashington.com/the-scene/events/Precious-Antea ter-Needs-Adorable-Name.html  

a youngin' after my own heart, he wandered off from his mom upon birth, got away, and had to be brought back by the zoo keepers.  now of course, had i been there, i woulda found a way to get away from those humans; and caused an even bigger ruckus

if you want to submit your vote, click the link above...  please ask that he be named sammy,  tell em i sent ya! i'm only kidding, you don't have to vote for sammy...  sam will do.


top of blog see all of sam's posts
return to twitter or follow sam on twitter


Are You Working on a Book or Product to Sell?
eJunky Has Tools to Help you Sell Online!
E-junkie Shopping Cart and Digital Delivery

Sunday, March 13, 2011

star wars if dr seuss had created it

Here's an article by Bit Rebels.  No Copyright, but I did not write it nonetheless, and do not take credit for it's creation.  

return or follow sam on twitter
top of blog to see all of sam's posts


Sell You Book or Product ONLINE FAST!
E-junkie Shopping Cart and Digital Delivery

Saturday, March 12, 2011

it's the small pleasures

i remember when Princess Dianna died.  in all fairness to me, i was suffering some malady, and i couldn't really do too much, but i sat in my bed and watched non stop 24 hour seemingly looped news,  starting at 1 or 2 oclock a.m. when the news broke.  this went on for a week until the long funeral ride to her final resting place, the images are just as vivid today.

and now we see the effects of japans tsunami created by the earthquake, and nonstop news is quite addictive, so i sail a new tack:  i won't watch it as much.  last night i was snooping around, i'm a ferret, i like to look for stuff.  perpetually searching, seeking, finding things. 

this left me having to steal a peep.  a yellow peep to be exact, and post a pic on my twitpic

Which prompted this from CarolynNicoleNot the YELLOW peep! Love those little marshmallow buggers. Looks like chicken tastes like sugar.

                                           when i was visited by wiggy!!

Me:  sup? @Wiggy_ you wanna you know, go steal a sock?

 MyEclecticBookSam, ok can you please start stealing both socks...the single sock mountain is taking over the house #singlesockmadness

Me: we live in a Universe with all left socks... @MyEclecticBook somewhere exists an alternate Universe of right socks. we need a #collision

baisebeige Wouldn't it be funny @Samuel_Clemons if the cosmic convergence is about the sock universes colliding. What do the Mayans think? 

Me:  The entire fabric of the Universe is about socks. 

thatgalkiki That explains why half of my world is always missing after a cleanse

 PiperBayard Yes. Especially the warm, fuzzy kind.

  baisebeigeHow come we never hear those hot shot quantum guys... @Samuel_Clemons... talking about the theory of opposite sock attraction? o_O 

   jlsimons Sam,  What does it say about me that my favorite socks are frayed, well-traveled, and warmer and softer in memory than in reality?  

 Me: LoL what does it say when highly intelligent ppl  discuss "socks" w a ferret ?

informedferret Sam,  that they iz bright enough to see sence in our obsession wif soxz.

baisebeige I don't have much choice about discussing the sock theory of everything with you @Samuel_Clemons I gave up talking to stupid people for Lent


return to twitter or follow sam on twitter
go to top of blog and see all of sams posts listed on the right

Hello Kitty Juniors Knee High Socks - Black/Red/White - OS

Monday, March 7, 2011

never compromise

after the solar flares knocked out the power grid in 2013 http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/space/7819201/Nasa-warns-solar-flares-from-huge-space-storm-will-cause-devastation.html  the only surviving critters not involved in inter specie wars were the sloths and iguanas.    strange that the abundance of electricity produced by the flares, then the sudden outages would keep these two groups apart.  it was a well known fact they never got along, yet they didn't fight in this new eerie post electric world.

the ferret squirrel wars were particularly nasty.  the ferrets emerged post flare up  to dance and rule the world by their usual method: mass manipulation by cuteness. heckled by the squirrels who threw nuts and odd tree fruits, the ferrets tolerated it only so long.  the epic conflict which ensued put sam in an intolerable position as leader of the ferret faction against the squirrels.  the squirrels no longer employed by Geico, unable to live the hollywood lifestyle, were prone to bipolar rants and fits of nut throwing.  particularly embarrasing, uncle freddie was still dating a squirrel, even though he wasn't  divorced.  freddie  rode around town laughing it up, and embarrassing his burrow, and colonel sam. 
                                       sam believed all ferrets should dance in peace

calling himself the colonel, sam fancied himself a cross between bob hope and patton.  helmeted, goggle clad, and riding on big foot's shoulder, he'd walk around his encampment ranting that the he should have finished off the squirrels years ago.
                                                            the enemy

"sometimes squatch, you are not correct.  you can't always be right" sam said.

size 24 replied, very convincingly: "sam, and sometimes, you just have to make peace, they are after all ~ well,  they're just squirrels..." and tapered off.

                                                      ever faithful friend

"easy for you to say..."

thwack.  plunk.

the thwack:  the noise of a tree branch having been pulled back, and used as a projectile launching device ~ the plunk which  followed was the metallic noise it made as an acorn bounced off of sam's helmet.

a direct hit to the colonel's pride.

he looked into sasquatch's eyes, who imperceptibly turned and looked into sam's.

"maybe you're right"  they both said simultaneously.

laughing they set off to find uncle freddie.  let him broker the deal.


more on this story thread: No Cease Fire   http://samuelclemons.blogspot.com/2011/03/no-cease-fire.html

and Ferret's Bane:  http://samuelclemons.blogspot.com/2011/03/ferrets-bane.html

finding big foot http://samuelclemons.blogspot.com/2011/02/i-found-bigfoot.html

follow sam on twitter

Sunday, March 6, 2011

ferret's bane

ouchdammit listed on the "Mayan List" above tab, has now, and is hereby, forthwithforevermoreheretonow been promoted to ferret elf commander of intelligence gathering; and all around good scout elf.  it is not hard to see why this auspicious title should be bestowed upon her, and we owe her a gratitude of debt that shall likely not be repaid before the Mayans return and sweep us away into the heavens.  i fear not that she shall wear her rank and promotion with the honor and courage that she has shown and have complete confidence in her. i leave you to view the evidence of this new found renown. follow the beautiful elf commander http://twitter.com/ouchdammit

companion article: never compromise or "how did it all come to this?"
top of blog to see all of the posts
follow sam on twitter

couldnt resist

i couldn't resist folks... i have had about enough of these unfollowers.  i've ranted against them, i've parodied them, i've confronted them, only to have them blame me for their behaviors...  they are time wasters, and the anti efficiency experts on twitter and the world over, they all have the same issues.

so i blew up this screenshot, well, because i'm on Ubuntu, which is not Windows Explorer... my Uncle Freddie calls it "Windows Virus"  ...  Ubuntu, although virus free, has some whacked out graphics tools i am not as familiar with...

so anyway, i wanted to point out my new strategy.  this is a screen shot of "Tweepi" a free interactive tool for following, and unfollowing.   i, like everyone else on Twitter think, "oh, my content is just so superb, these people will follow me, and stick, and not unfollow me later..."  sorry, doesn't matter their size either.  one kid, FreddyAmazin?  I remember him when he'd beg, and I do mean beg you to follow him, promising to follow back, which he did.  and a few months ago?  unloaded over 100k followers.... this is twitter, no rules apply.  he can do what he wants, but the disease is rampant.  i am working with some psychiatrists, and sociologists doing interviews with them, to try to understand the problem,  why do they do it?  i suspect that they will never be famous, their lives are boring, and having 200 followers and only follow 20 people gives them the delusion they are somebody.  i do know they get very very nasty when asked, so that tells us something as to what is going on in their minds.  nasty generally means some hidden stuff going on, and they take it out on those who's time they've wasted.

so i couldn't resist it anymore.  i've taken to not even following them.  i can spot the symptoms of course.  take this character, calls himself: "therealquailman"  has a follower to following ratio of 5402% of this writing.  who is he?  in my book, just another human posing as somebody, probably works at Wendy's, or is unemployed, and this is his outlet for being somebody he's not. frankly, i don't care, best of luck to him.

but the real reason i am writing this post, is that i found myself laughing, and laughing, and couldn't stop!

you see, every single time i log onto Tweepi to "reciprocate" and follow people back "who are following me, and i'm not following back" in Tweepi parlance?

there's the quail man!!  thinking i'm  amazed at his appeal

here's the ferret  not very amazed at all

funny beyond belief.  because i know as soon as i follow this guy, he's gonna unfollow me, and i'd rather not give him the satisfaction... so, it's a standoff, two immovable forces...there he sits across the ether, the virtual divide, waiting on the ferret to follow him back, and here i sit, laughing and laughing, and trying to figure out how to crop this photo in Ubunto for my readers...

why do they follow, and unfollow?  i'll cover that when i finish my discussions with the shrinks and put some of these warped behavioral issues in my book.

maybe if i follow him, i'll get a Wendy's coupon for a free softie


top of blog see all my stuff
follow sam on twitter

Friday, March 4, 2011

cardinal rules

such a moment, a big cardinal proposes during a basketball game to his future wife.  seeing humans dress as a critter is so touching to a ferret.

now, i'm a bit manic, slightly hyper. oooops, this just in:  mary, my tormentor, "sam, slightly hyper? you are as hyper as a rocket on lift off..."  <--me:  mary, so how's your mother?

ok, so i don't stay on subject very long, i can't help it.  it's not that i can be distracted.  people think ferrets get distracted very quickly, and this is NOT true.  if i want to get into your sock collection, or the top drawer and take a nap? trust me, i will work it till i succeed...

let's just say a story of this sort will only warrant a few moments, then i go find something more interesting to investigate

so i was thinking, wow!  a big red cardinal, at least they weren't called the Wilmar (Minn) High School Squirrels.  that would have almost certainly generated a quick "click"

squirrels are the bane of ferrets.  they are always getting Geico commercials,  yucking it up for the cameras, dropping nuts on my head as i stroll to the woodpile to visit the field mice.  who do they think they are?

the comments were funny:

A cat, by the name of CM wrote:  This is boring news. Too many people trying to come up with "unique" ways of proposal, or wedding ceremonies or even weird first dances at the reception. I think it takes away from the romance and dignity. Your wedding shouldn't be a performance. You shouldn't be trying to get the attention of media you should be focusing on each other.

"The Legend"  himself dressed as a Super Bowl Trophy:  I've seen my share of this sort of nonsense...proposals and even weddings at halftime of college basketball and minor league hockey games. It's always embarrassing and people always clap - then make fun of the whole thing.

this comment by Mitch, a 1 1/2 year old summed it up nicely for me, oh out of the mouths of babes:   Oh for gods sake lighten up.   You tongue-clacking biddies want to tell everyone how to do everything. If he liked it and she like it - who the #%%^&* cares what you nags think?

mitch and i gotta team up!

 original news article at:

top of blog see all of sam's posts

Tuesday, March 1, 2011


“SAM! SAAAAAMMMM!! I know you're not sleeping, quit fooling around...”

I lay motionless, and looked directly into my pet human's eyes.... knowing exactly what was coming...

“Sammy, you rascal, …...just going out. Do not... I repeat DO NOT go on any adventures, and stay out of the barn, I know full well you've been in there, I've caught you 4 times this week, do I make myself understood?”

Of course I understood, which meant that I heard, “Don't get caught”

I came out of my fake nap pose and wiggled and jiggled my tail and pranced around the room with delight. I had the afternoon to myself!

By any standards Harriet was a nag. No real purpose left, she was retired, and never came out of the barn. Old, a bit arthritic, Harriet was half blind, deaf, and simply withdrawn from the barnyard. Every chance I got, I would go out to pull on her rope.

“We will probably have to take Harriet away, Sam, one day soon, she is lost to us, buddy” my pet human told me, a week ago. “When we can schedule her, we'll either call the Vet, or take her out for the last time, Sammy.”

The other horses were loose when the pet humans came home that day, roaming the yard, with me in the barn, pulling on Harriet's tether in my teeth. She looked down at me with sad eyes, more sniffing me, than seeing me, ignoring the humans as they walked up and scooped me up.

“Sammy, you are the most adventuresome critter God ever set on this planet. You are so naughty”.

So this day was no different, when my pet pulled up, there was another car behind, the horse Vet, come to take Harriet away from us, I knew.

They had caught me again, pulling on her rope for all I was worth, determined that if I could just get Harriet to understand, that if I could get her to move, and come out of her stall, I'd run away with her, and we could ride and enjoy the sunshine, and the humans would know she was still alive, they wouldn't take her away from me.  I was desperate. “Come on Harriet, let's go!” I cried to her.

Harriet sniffed me.

Harriet sniffed the air.

And Harriet yanked her head up, carrying me roofward all of a motion.

Since I didn't let go of the rope, when she jerked up, I flipped upward, and landed squarely on Harriet's head.

And Harriet walked out of that barn right past the pet human, and Vet, both wide eyed.

They knew, Harriet knew, and I knew.  Harriet would be with us for many more rides, even if she'd only carry a critter. 

“Silly ferret” Harriet said to me. “I wanted to carry you. I wanted you to ride ~ not pull on my rope.”



Do You Wish You Could Sell Your Book Now?
Why Wait for a Publisher?
Sell Online Now...
Let eJunky Help You
E-junkie Shopping Cart and Digital Delivery