Wednesday, January 12, 2011

cold weather tips

you could take the time to read my blog while snowed in, you might find nuggets of wisdom and experience, but I seriously doubt it.   i have compiled the most useless and vitally meaningless tips i could find:

  * do not go looking for yellow snow just so you can make stupid jokes

  * get drunk and pass out in snow banks to gain a little local notoriety

  * show up on your neighbor's steps with board games and a six pack to fight isolation

  * test your snowy weather skills and grandpa's snow shoes, get lost in the blinding white blasts, so that the local authorities have to send out a search party, and when they find you, just explain that you were bored

  * tweet and drink the entire time, get a few things off your chest

  * try to contact all your old friends, and in your lonely depression, write long winded eMails and DM's and make them think you have gone insane, they may actually get back to you out of pity 

  * convince yourself you are helping the economy by shopping online and won't stop until someone comes and digs you out

Ralph Waldo Emerson's "The Snowstorm",  John Greenleaf Whittier's "Snowbound" and James Russell Lowell's "The First Snowfall" are all reactions to a snowstorm.  They use different imagery and language.   They were in different snowstorms.

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  1. I'm going to try to teach my dog to write his name in yellow snow...I probably should have named him something more simple than Rusty - something like "O".

  2. Make several snowmen in your front yard who appear to be committing suicide to mess with your neighbors' minds. After all, the season of spring fundraising is soon upon us, and the fewer of their children who come to your door, the less useless, overpriced crap you'll end up with.

    Thanks for the snowy weather smile. :)

  3. I have a super size heavy snow blower. I don't mind running it as long as I have a spotter (another fam member available) in case of emergency, but with my daughter's schedule:
    * * *
    Send the oldest family member of the household out with either their snow scoop or shovel, so maybe a neighbor will take pity upon them, pitch in & help out.
    * * *
    OH yeah! that way when her time clears she may not have to electric start that snowblower at all.
    * * *
    I'm @grammakaye on twitter

  4. I love it! Here's another one: Sit on top of the mailbox and kick it saying hyah hyah! When they come and try to take you down, tell them you've wrangled a polar bear and to help. ;)