the universe had me switch to night blog posts completely contrary to my patterns, schedule or habits, and i couldn't figure that out
less than an hour or so ago, Tracy, my inspiration for being funny passed away after suffering from brain cancer.
late one night, as she struggled a few months back, she told me this would be her last Christmas, and she planned to make the most of it. i knew that when i commented on her holiday blog post. i tried to be funny, and i genuinely think she enjoyed my story. she had been hottubbing, and i told her a story about my uncle freddie and how i stole his french maid, or maybe it was the one about the adventure i'd gotten myself into?
ours was a complex and yet simple relationship, what we had was truly, truly a miracle.
each night, i would fire off my comments, and she told me that even if she didn't say anything, or mention it, she'd look for my tweets because they always made her laugh.
"Don't you dare stop Sam!" she tweeted one night when i was feeling discouraged, depressed, whatever i was feeling down about was nothing compared to what Tracy faced, and yet she was about to inspire me with words that have changed my life:
"Helping people laugh is a noble profession, Sam. Don't let anyone tell you different. Don't you ever stop making people laugh."
months later when i tried to explain that to a few folks, she told me not to get all soft on her. i could sense that she wanted me to keep up the humor, she needed it, she craved that giggle, the tease, the sarcasm, it was an outlet, a method of coping, her Spiritual Medication. she wouldn't let me mention the end, and i didn't - that was not the role she had selected for me, i was not her nurse, i was her sarcastic funny furry ferret
Tracy wouldn't let me be morose, she needed me to keep on going, and not quit, so strong was her Spirit, that even if i didn't know if she was awake or even online, i tweeted each time as if she were watching, reading, looking for that laughter in her day or evening. i've been staying up the last few nights late, and tweeting to her at all hours in case she woke up and needed a diversion
even her very last communication to me was poignant - the "noble" theme she was sent by God to instill in me - Tracy was being powerful, beyond what any human on earth can concieve from her simple words other than me, but they are so pure and good, that it is hard to express here:
i had kidded that i was Oprah's long lost sibling, and Tracy wrote:
you know oprah is queen of the world..right?
so that makes you...Prince??? lol
Tracy blogged, too, she told her story, she explained everything, she lured you in with pure honesty, and you were compelled to learn her story. but Tracy loved the pace and humor of twitter. that is why she connected, and stayed connected to me, because she wanted to go out laughing.
somewhere in heaven right now, she and her Lord are having a great big laugh over me digging my way to China, and falling asleep on the job, and making a fool of myself most days on Twitter, where it's ok to laugh, and we should remember to make each other laugh. that is why she enjoyed it so much,
twitter made Tracy laugh
Tracy, God Bless You in Heaven